Announced Jokes / Recent Jokes
Redmond, WA - Microsoft announced today that the official release date
for the new operating system "Windows 2000" will be delayed until the
second quarter of 1901.
All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
1. On a Southwest flight (SW has no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out
furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"
2. On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to
enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."
3. On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."
4. There may be 50 ways to leave more...
Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room, while their wives were in labor.
The nurse arrived and announced to the first man, "Congratulations sir, you're the father of twins."
"What a coincidence!" the man said with some obvious pride. "I work for the Minnesota Twins
baseball team."
The nurse returned in a little while and turned to the second man, "You, sir, are the father of triplets."
"Wow, that's really an incredible coincidence" he answered. "I work for the 3M Corporation. My buddies at work will never let me live this one down."
An hour later, while the other two men were passing cigars around, the nurse came back. This time, she turned to the third man, who had been quiet in the corner. She announced that his wife had just given birth to quadruplets. Stunned, he barely could reply.
"Don't tell me another more...
Well-known lodging chain announced it was creating a line of nofrills hotels. The only way youll see a chocolate on the pillow now is if the last guest was eating an M&M.
It was announced today the new Arkansas quarter is going to be recalled soon over concerns it won't work in vending machines.Apparently the duct tape holding the two dimes and nickel together keeps jamming the machines.
During his visit to the United States the Pope met with President Clinton. Instead of just an hour as scheduled, the meeting went on for two days. Finally, a weary President Clinton emerged to face the waiting news media.
The President was smiling and announced the summit was a resounding success. He said he and the Pope agreed on 80% of the matters they discussed. Then Mr. Clinton declared he was going home to the White House to be with his family.
A few minutes later the Pope came out to make his statement. He looked tired, discouraged and was practically in tears. Sadly he announced his meeting with the President was a failure.
Incredulous, one reporter asked, "But your Holiness, President Clinton just announced the summit was a great success and the two of you agreed on 80% of the items discussed".
Exasperated, the Pope answered, "Yes, but we were talking about the Ten Commandments."
Two blondes were flying to Miami from Cleveland. Fifteen minutes into the flight, the Captain announced, ‘One of the engines has failed and the flight will be an hour longer. But don’t worry, we have three engines left. ’
Thirty minutes later, the Captain announced, ‘One more engine has failed and the flight will be two hours longer. But don’t worry, we have two engines left. ’ An hour later the Captain announced, ‘One more engine has failed and the flight will be three hours longer. But don’t worry we have one engine left. ’
One blonde looked at the other the other blonde and said, ‘If we lose one more engine, we’ll be up here all day. ’