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The regular Oracularities postings can be found in alt.humor.oracle.
The Usenet Oracle has pondered your question deeply.
Your question was:
Why did God invent relativity?
And in response, thus spake the Oracle:
Well, it all started on March 12, 1867. Me and Lucifer and God and
Death and a couple of other guys got really hammered, see, and we were
shooting dice together, and Luci was really cleaning up. (I still think
the dice were fixed, but I don't know for sure.) Anyway, God got low on
cash, and Luci got this idea that he'd stake him, but if God lost, he'd
have to let Luci rewrite some laws of physics. Naturally, God didn't
like the idea, but Luci suggested that me and Thanatos could help, and
eventually agreed to the idea (did I mention we were all extremely
plastered?). Anyway, God lost, and me and Luci and more...

The Rules - Finally from a Male point of view!
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now
here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! And please
note. .. these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl.
If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear
us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be
opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present. . . . . . again!
1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.
1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than
short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that
married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.
1. Ask for more...

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male
side. if you have already read some of these before it wont hurt to read them again.
Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up,
you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.
Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect
present yet again!
Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of
the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and
by then you're stuck with her.
Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
Crying is blackmail.
Ask for what you want. Let us be clear more...

Subject: -What software version are you running?

I`m currently running the latest version of GirlFriend and I`ve been having some problems lately.

I`ve been running the same version of Drinking Buddies 1. 0 forever as my primary application, and all the GirlFriend releases I`ve tried have always conflicted with it.

I hear that Drinking Buddies won`t crash if GirlFriend is run in background mode and the sound is turned off.

But I`m embarrassed to say I can`t find the switch to turn the sound off.

I just run them separately, and it works okay.

Girlfriend also seems to have a problem co-existing with my Golf program, often trying to abort Golf with some sort of timing incompatibility.

I probably should have stayed with GirlFriend 1. 0, but I thought I might see better performance from GirlFriend 2. 0.

After months of conflicts and other problems, I consulted a friend who has had experience with more...

Little Johnny was 12 years old and like other boys his age rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about' courting' from the older boys, and he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his question to his mother, who became rather flustered. Instead of explaining things to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did. The following morning, Johnny described everything to his mother.' Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he turned off most of the lights. Then he started kissing and hugging her. I figured Sis must be getting sick, because her face started looking funny. He must have thought so too, because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart, just the way the doctor would. Except he's not as smart as the doctor because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart. I guess he was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them started panting and gettin all more...

"Anyway, I`m so thankful, and so gracious - I`m gracious that my brother Jeb is concerned about the hemisphere as well." -George W. Bush, June 4, 2001 "It`s important for young men and women who look at the Nebraska champs to understand that quality of life is more than just blocking shots." -George W. Bush, in remarks to the University of Nebraska women`s volleyball team, the 2001 national champions, May 31, 2001 "So on behalf of a well-oiled unit of people who came together to serve something greater than themselves, congratulations." -George W. Bush, in remarks to the University of Nebraska women`s volleyball team, the 2001 national champions, May 31, 2001 "If a person doesn`t have the capacity that we all want that person to have, I suspect hope is in the far distant future, if at all." -George W. Bush, May 22, 2001"For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal shootings. And, folks, this is unacceptable in America. It`s more...

Little Jonny Again.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Little Johnny was 10 years old and like other boys his age, he was rather
curious about everything. He had been hearing quite a bit about' courting'
from the older boys at school, and he wondered what it was, and how it was
done.

One day he took his question to his mother, who became rather flustered.
Instead of explaining things to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the
curtains one night, and watch his older sister and her boyfriend, who she
explained were "courting."

This he did. The following morning, Johnny described everything to his
mother, in great detail.

"Well, Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he turned off
most of the lights. Then he started kissing and hugging her. I figured Sis
must be getting sick, because her face started looking funny. He must have
thought so more...