"Rules of Men" joke

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male
side. if you have already read some of these before it wont hurt to read them again.
Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up,
you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.
Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect
present yet again!
Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of
the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and
by then you're stuck with her.
Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
Crying is blackmail.
Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong
hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us
frequently beforehand.
Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at
choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy
is what your girlfriends are for.
A headache that last for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
Check your oil!
Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments
become null and void after 7 days.
If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap
opera guys.
If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to
answer.
If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or
angry, we meant the other one.
Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you
already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.
Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
ALL men see in only 16 colors. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is
also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not
proof of how little we care about you.
If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know
you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to
hear.
When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as
navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
You have enough clothes and too many shoes.
Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where
it doesn't really matter what the hell they're saying anyway.)
It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn't
matter which quiz.
BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape.
Men like sleeping on the couch, it's like camping.