Apple Jokes / Recent Jokes

One Day an apple, a bannana, and a dick were talking about how their lives were worse. the apple said "People eat me then throw me away!" The Bannana said "People peal me, eat me, and then throw me away!" Then the dick said "People put a bag over my head, put me in a dark cave, and then make me do push ups until i throw up!"

One Day an apple, a bannana, and a dick were talking about how their lives were worse. the apple said"People eat me then throw me away!" The Bannana said "People peal me, eat me, and then throw me away!" Then the dick said "People put a bag over my head, put me in a dark cave, and then make me do push ups until i throw up!"

What can a whole apple do that half an apple cant do? It can look round.

How does an apple a day keep the doctor away? When you take careful aim.

There was once a man from the city who was visiting a small farm, and during this visit he saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most extraordinary manner. The farmer would lift a pig up to a nearby apple tree, and the pig would eat the apples off the tree directly. The farmer would move the pig from one apple to another until the pig was satisfied, then he would start again with another pig. The city man watched this activity for some time with great astonishment. Finally, he could not resist saying to the farmer, "This is the most inefficient method of feeding pigs that I can imagine. Just think of the time that would be saved if you simply shook the apples off the tree and let the pigs eat them from the ground!"The farmer looked puzzled and replied, "What's time to a pig?"

Q. What is blue and goes up and down?
A. A blueberry in an elevator! Q. What is the difference between an elephant and a blueberry?
A. They're both blue, except for the elephant.Q: What do you get when 354 blueberries try to go through the door at the same time?
A: A Blueberry Jam!Q. What do you get when you merge IBM and Apple
A. Blueberry MacsMr. Spock: "What is the formula for PI?"
Chekov: "Er...apple or blueberry, sir?"

A woman is out looking for a pet, and so she's trying the local pet shops. She walks into a small pet shop and explains her need to the attendant. He thinks for a moment and then says, "I've got just the thing for you madam. I'll just get him."
With that, he disappears into the back of the shop, and returns a few seconds later with a cute little puppy. "This dog is a special dog," he tells her. "It is able to fly," he explains, and with that throws the dog into the air. It immediately begins to float gracefully around the shop.
"There is one problem with him, however. Whenever you say' my', he'll eat whatever you've mentioned. Watch. "My apple!" The lady watches in astonishment as the dog zooms over to the shop attendant and furiously devours an apple he has produced from his pocket.
"He's cute, and so unusual. I'll take him," she says, and a few minutes later she is on her way back home with dog to show her more...