Asking Jokes / Recent Jokes
A popular airline recently introduced a special half rate fare for wives who accompanied their husbands on business trips. Expecting great feedback, the company sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who had used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip. Letters are still pouring in asking, "What trip?"
A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.
Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.
After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you`re out of the office?"
"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."
The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try.
The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.
When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.
A man moves into a nudist colony. He receives a letter from his mother asking him to send her a current photo of himself in his new location. Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives is a nudist colony, he cuts a photo in half and sends her the top half. Later he receives another letter asking him to send a picture to his grandmother. The man cuts another picture in half, but accidentally sends the bottom half of the photo. He is really worried when he realizes that he sent the wrong half, but them remembers how bad his grandmother's eyesight is, and hopes she won't notice. A few weeks later, he receives a letter from his grandmother. It says. .. "Thank you for the picture. Change your hair style, it makes your nose look too short!"
Q: How many Capricorns does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None: Why should I bother? It's probably just going to burn out again tomorrow anyway.
Q: How many Aquarians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Well, you have to remember that everything is energy so...
Q: How many Aquarians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: A hundred, but they'll all be competing to be the one to change the bulb and bring light to the world.
Q: How many Aquarians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Like, why don't you just get out of my face and stop asking me to do all your work for you? I'm, like, really totally sick and tired of you asking me questions.
Q: How many Pisceans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Huh? The light's out?
Q: How many Pisceans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: What lightbulb?
Q: How many Pisceans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None: They concern more...
Post a message asking how to post messages.Lead a tireless crusade for the creation of newsgroups with silly names like alt.my.butt.is.hairy.Put 4 addresses, 5 lines of "Geek Code", 6 ASCII-art bicycles, a PGP key, and your home phone in your signature.Post recipes on rec.pets.cats.Post a compendium of old articles from a thread that died months ago with a title such as "** HAS JOE SMITH FORGOTTEN HIS LIES? **"Post a 56-part binary MPG file of your dog throwing up to news.answers. Announce that you screwed it up and repeat.Ask readers of rec.music.misc to post their favorite Zeppelin tune "for a poll".Reacquaint the readers of rec.humor with the "two-strings-go-in-a-bar" joke.Determine a perversion so bizarre or obscure that it doesn't yet have its own sex group.Post your new "War Heroes of India" FAQ to soc.culture.pakistan.Start this week's new AOL virus rumor.Post elaborate conspiracy theories to talk.politics.misc detailing how ATF more...
A husband, tired of his wife asking him how she looks, buys her a full length mirror. This does little to help, as now she just stands in front of the mirror, looking at herself, asking him how she looks.
One day, fresh out of the shower, she is yet again in front of the mirror, now complaining that her breasts are too small.
Uncharacteristically, the husband comes up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper, and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."
Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper, and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts. "How long will this take?" she asks.
"They'll grow larger over a period of years," he replies. The wife stops. "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts grow over the years?"
The husband shrugs. "Why not, it worked for more...
A husband, tired of his wife asking him how she looks, buys her a full length mirror. This does little to help, as now she just stands in front of the mirror, looking at herself, asking him how she looks.One day, fresh out of the shower, she is yet again in front of the mirror, now complaining that her breasts are too small.Uncharacteristically, the husband comes up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper, and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper, and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts. "How long will this take?" she asks."They'll grow larger over a period of years," he replies. The wife stops. "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts grow over the years?"The husband shrugs. "Why not, it worked for your butt, didn't more...