Asleep Jokes / Recent Jokes

A person went to church every week, but feel asleep during the
sermon and the women said.. "next time you fall asleep I'm going
to stick this pen up your ass" and he did fall asleep, the father
Began a story and said "Does anyone know what so and so said then?"
and the women had just stuck the pen up the guys ass as he stood up
and say "Hallelujah! " and then the father said Correct my son..
the next week as the father asked another question, the guy was jabbed
with the pen and Stood up to say "AMEN!" and the father said "Right again
my son.."
the next week the father began to talk about Adam and eve, he said
what did eve say to Adam after their 10th child? and the guy
was jabbed with the pen again and he stood up to yell very loudly
"Shove that thing up my ass one more time and I'll rap it around your
face!" and the father said, no I'm sorry, anyone else?

After driving for about six hours, a trucker decides to pull over and sleep for a little while. As soon as he falls asleep, he is awoken by some knocks on the door of the cab.
"Can you tell me the time, please?" asks a jogger.
"Yeah, it's 4: 30," answers the trucker. He falls asleep again, but he is awoken again by another jogger who wants to know the time. "It's 4: 40!" yells the trucker. Deciding to really try to sleep a little, he writes on a piece of paper: I DON'T KNOW THE TIME. He sticks the paper in his windshield.
But he is awoken again.' It's 5: 25," says another jogger.

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?"When Mary didnt stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "God Almighty!" shouted Mary, and the teacher said, "Very good," and Mary fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked Mary, "Who is our Lord and Savior," but Mary didnt even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue, and stuck her again. "Jesus Christ!" shouted Mary, and the teacher said, "Very good," and Mary fell back asleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one m ore time, Ill more...

A little girl was walking along a beach in California whenshe came across a man with no clothes on and just a newspapercovering his genitals.The little girl said, "What do you have under that newspaper, Mister?"The man said, "Nothing, it's just a bird, now go away!"The man thought nothing of her and quickly fell asleep.Hours later, the man woke up in a hospital bed in excrutiating pain."Where the hell am I?"A doctor replied, "Someone called 9-1-1 and said you needed emergencyhelp, so we rushed you right over.""Well, what the hell happened to me?""We don't know, son. Do you remember anything unusual happeningto you today?"The man said, "Well, there was a little girl bugging me justbefore I fell asleep." The doctor sent someone to the beach to see if the little girl wasstill there, and she was. The person said, "Do you know what happenedto that nice man you saw here earlier?""Well," the little girl more...

Son: "Dad, I have to do a special report for school. Can I ask you a question?"

Father: "Sure son. What's the question?"

Son: "What is politics?"
Father: "Well, let's take our home for example. I am the wage earner, so let's call me "Capitalism". Your mother is the administrator of money, so we'll call her "Government". We take care of your needs, so we'll call you "The People". We'll call the maid "The Working Class", and your baby brothe we can call "The Future".
"Do you understand, Son?"
Son: "I'm not really sure, Dad. I'll have to think about it".
That night, awakened by his baby brother's crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering that the baby had seriously soiled his diaper, the boy went to his parent's room and found his mother sound asleep. He went to the maid's room, where, peeking through the keyhole, he saw his more...

A little girl went to her father and asked, "Dad, what is politics?"
"Well, dear," he said, "let me try to explain it this way - I'm the breadwinner of the family, so we'll call me Capitalism. Mom is the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People. We'll call the Nanny the Working Class, and your baby brother, the Future. Think about all that and see if it makes any sense."
She then went off to bed, thinking about all her father had said. Later that night, she heard her baby brother crying and when she went to check on him, she found he had soiled his diaper. She then went to her parents' room, but found her mother fast asleep. Not wanting to wake her, she went to the Nanny's room and found the door locked. When she peeked in the keyhole, she saw her father was in bed with the nanny. She gave up and went back to bed.
The next morning, she said to her father, more...

1. Your dog rather rub up against the wall than have you pet it.
2. All the numbers in your little black book start with "1-900."
3. Due to excessive hazing and ridicule, you decided to drop out of the Origami Club.
4. You were almost involved in a threesome, but your left hand fell asleep.
5. Fantasizing out loud before falling asleep is your idea of "pillow talk."
6. Your personal ad reads: "Seeking Anybody."
7. Next to your name in the phone directory, the phone number is replaced with the phrase "Who cares?"
8. You look forward to the dinner time calls from telemarketers.
9. The last time you were invited to a party, you were grooving to the lyric, "Put your right foot in, take your right foot out."
10. You spent last summer following around the 2000 Bible Belt Trekkie Convention Tour.