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Whatsamatta University's Seminars For Men Fall Catalogue Once again, the female staff at Whatsamatta University will be offering courses for men of all marital status in an attempt to help males and females understand each other better. Attendance in at least 10 of the following is required.
1. Combatting Stupidity
2. You Too Can Do Housework
3. Resistance to Beer
4. How To Properly Fill An Ice Tray
5. We Do Not Want Sleazy Underwear For Christmas (Give Us Credit Cards)
6. Understanding The Female Response To Coming Home Drunk At 4: 00am
7. Wonderful Laundry Techniques (also called "Don't Wash My Silks")
9. Get A Life - Learn To Cook
10. How Not To Act Like An Idiot When You Are Obviously Wrong
11. Spelling - Even You Can Get It Right
12. Understanding Your Financial Incompetence
13. You, The Weaker Sex
14. Reasons To Give more...
Factorials were someone's attempt to make math *look* exciting.
Start with a cage containing five monkeys. Inside the cage, hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under it. Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the other monkeys with cold water. After a while, another monkey makes an attempt with the same result all the other monkeys are sprayed with cold water. Pretty soon, when another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it. Now, put away the cold water. Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new monkey sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his surprise and horror, all of the other monkeys attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted. Next, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in more...
This is part of the online manual entry for the unix 'date' command. If anyone can understand it, apply to join the civil service this minute:
"If you attempt to set the current date to one of the dates that the standard and alternate time zones change (for example, the date that daylight time is starting or ending), and you attempt to set the time to a time in the interval between the end of standard time and the beginning of the alternate time (or the end of the alternate time and the beginning of standard time), the results are unpredictable."
Quite.
Please note that Banks are installing new "Drive-through" teller machines. Customers will be able to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. To enable customers to use this new facility the following procedures have been drawn up.MALE PROCEDURE* 1 Drive up to the cash machine.* 2 Put down your car window.* 3 Insert card into machine and enter PIN.* 4 Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.* 5 Retrieve card, cash and receipt.* 6 Put window up.* 7 Drive off.FEMALE PROCEDURE* 1 Drive up to cash machine.* 2 Reverse back the required amount to align car window to machine.* 3 Set parking Brake, Put the window down.* 4 Find handbag, remove all contents onto passenger seat to locate card.* 5 Turn the radio down.* 6 Attempt to insert card into machine.* 7 Attempt to insert card into machine.* 8 Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.* 9 Insert card.* 10 Re-insert card the right side up* 11 Dig through handbag to find diary more...
Religion is man's attempt to communicate with the weather.
The Dog's Diary:
Day number 180
8: 00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9: 30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9: 40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10: 30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11: 30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12: 00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1: 00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4: 00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5: 00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5: 30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
Day number 181
8: 00 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9: 30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9: 40 am - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10: 30 am - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11: 30 am - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12: 00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1: 00 pm - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
4: 00 pm - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5: 00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5: 30 PM - more...