Attitude Jokes / Recent Jokes

SCORPIO
Scorpio condoms outsell all others. That's probably because people try to impress each other with their sexual prowess by pretending that they're a Scorpio. The truth is that no right thinking Scorpio would get caught dead wearing a condom. But then death doesn't scare a Scorpio. And a Scorpio doesn't get caught.
Scorpio condoms come in two editions, basic black and the stealthy invisible model. Both leather and studs are optional. Also, because propriety concerns Scorpio, each package of Scorpio condoms comes with a pre-printed, pre-coital agreement. Symbolized by the venomous Scorpion, when you really want to sting your lover, you want a Scorpio condom.
SAGITTARIAN
Sagittarians are known for their worldly pursuits, gamesmanship, cosmopolitan attitude and knack for doing things in a big way. Sagittarian condoms are the sportier models. They come equipped with travel cases.
Sagittarian condoms are the ones that go with you and grow with you. They promise a more...

A young couple just married were in their honeymoon suite on their
wedding night. As they undressed for bed, the husband, who was a big,
burly bruiser, tossed his pants to his bride and said... "Here put these on."
She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body. "I can't
wear your pants," she said. "That's right," said the husband, "and
don't you forget it! I am the man who wears the pants in this family!"
With that she flipped him her panties and said "try these on." He tried
them on and found that he could only get them on as far as his kneecap.
He said, "Hell, I can't get into your panties!" She said, "That's
right, and that's the way it's going to be until your attitude changes!"

The attitude within is more important than the circumstances without.

It is one's attitude at the beginning of a task which will, more than anything else, determine its outcome.

Bad Attitude Parrot
David received a parrot for his birthday. This parrot was fully grown, with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was a swear word. Those that weren`t were, to say the least, rude. David tried hard to change the bird`s attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft Israeli dance music, anything that came to mind. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird, but the bird got worse. He shook the bird and the bird got madder and ruder.
Finally, in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawking, kicking and screaming and then, suddenly, all was quiet. David was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door.
The parrot calmly stepped out onto David`s extended arm and said, "I`m sorry that I offended you with my language and actions. I ask for your forgiveness. I will go to synagogue with you every week to pray and I will more...

I don't have an attitude; I have a personality you can't handle.

I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.