Auction Jokes / Recent Jokes

A husband and wife had been fighting for 3-4 days.The next morning they got up and were still not talking. The wife broke the silence by saying she had a dream last night.The husband asked her about what.She said she had a dream she was at an auction. They were auctioning off Penises. The little ones went for $500.00 and the big ones went for $1000.00.The husband throws out his chest and curiously asked what one like his went for. His wife told him bluntly that they were giving them away as door prizes! Her husband non-chalantly brushes this aside and tell his wife that " I had a dream last night too. They were auctioning off Pussys. The loose ones went for $500.00 and the tight ones went for $1000.00.The wife, not quite thinking he would come back at her asked him how much one like hers sold for.Sell? The didn't sell yours... where in the hell do you think they held the auction!

Little Johnny and his father were attending a horse auction. As they moved from horse to horse, little Johnny observed his father running his hands up and down the horses' legs, rump and chest.
Not understand what his father was doing, little Johnny asked, "Dad, why do you keep doing that?"
"Because I'm thinking of buying these horses, son," his father replied.
"Then I think we'd better get home right away!" Johnny exclaimed.
"Why?" asked his father.
"Because the mailman stopped by yesterday. I think he wants to buy Mom!" Johnny replied.

Irv Cohen was tired of the rat race of New York City. He decided to move to the peace and quiet of the country. He bought a small farm and moved away from the big city.
Not knowing what to do with the farm, he talked to his neighbors. They suggested going to the local auction and buying some live stock. Irv did just that. In fact, he got a good deal on a dozen pigs at the auction.
When he got them home he realized they were all females so he talked to his neighbor to see if he could bring his girls pigs over to meet with his boy pigs so this man could get some babies. The neighbor agreed and so Irv, the new farmer, loaded the girl pigs in his truck to visit the neighbors pigs.
That night he went back to pick them up and he asked his neighbor "How will I know if they are going to have little pigs?"
The neighbor said that they would start acting real different and that he could just tell.
So next morning he went and checked his pigs and they were just more...

NEW YORK (Reuters) - Bidders paid top dollar for Star Trek items on Thursday at the start of Christie's auction of memorabilia from the television and movie franchise. A model of the Starship Enterprise E was bought by an online bidder for $132,000 including commission, more than 10 times its $8,000 to $12,000 pre-sale estimate.
The buyer said he had the left over cash from 35 years of not dating.

A husband and wife had been fighting for 3-4 days.
The next morning they got up and were still not talking. The wife broke the silence by saying she had a dream last night.
The husband asked her about what.
She said she had a dream she was at an auction. They were auctioning off Penises. The little ones went for $500.00 and the big ones went for $1000.00.
The husband throws out his chest and curiously asked what one like his went for. His wife told him bluntly that they were giving them away as door prizes!
Her husband non-chalantly brushes this aside and tell his wife that " I had a dream last night too. They were auctioning off Pussys. The loose ones went for $500.00 and the tight ones went for $1000.00.
The wife, not quite thinking he would come back at her asked him how much one like hers sold for.
Sell? The didn't sell yours... where in the hell do you think they held the auction!