Babies Jokes

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In 1875 the director of the US patent office resigned. He said that there was nothing left to invent
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The Channel between England and France grows about 300 millimeters each year
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The average person's field of vision encompasses a 200-degree wide angle
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Offered a new pen to write with, 97% of all people will write their own name
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On average, a person has two million sweat glands
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Grapes explode when you put them in the microwave.
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Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.
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Your tongue is germ free only if it is pink. If it is white there is a thin film of bacteria on it.
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The attachment of the human skin to muscles is what causes dimples
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97% of the earth's water is undrinkable
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The Earth gets heavier each day by tons, as meteoric dust settles on it
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All babies are color blind when they are more...

Q: Do you know why doctors slap babies on the butt after they are born?
A: It knocks the penises off of the dumb ones.

Overview: I had to take my son's hamster to the vet. Here's what happened:

Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was "something wrong" with one of the two hamsters he holds prisoner in his room.

"He's just lying there looking sick," he told me.

"Oldest trick in the book, son," I informed him.

"You go in to see what's wrong with the sick one and the other one sneaks up behind you and bonks you on the head. Then they change into your clothes and escape."

"I'm serious, Dad. Can you help?"

I put my best hamster-healer expression on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little rodents was indeed lying on his back, looking distressed. I immediately knew what to do. Call the professional.

"Honey," I called, "come look at the hamster!"

"Oh, my gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute. more...

If Olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

Now that I've seen a picture of Tom Cruise's baby, I'm not sure I want to have his babies any more...