Ball Jokes / Recent Jokes

The boys were playing cricket in the garden and were using a shiny new ball.

' 'Where did you get the ball?'' asked father.

' 'We found it''

' 'Are you sure it was lost?''

' 'Of course it was lost. We saw them looking for it.''

Steve and Bert head out to play 9 holes of golf. "Let's make the time worth the while, at least for one of us, and spot $5 on low score for the day," says Steve. "Sounds good to me," replies Bert.
After the 8th hole, Bert is ahead by one stroke but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th.
"Help me find my ball, Steve," Bert says. "You look over there." After a few minutes of looking, neither of them has had any luck. Since a lost ball carries a four point penalty, Bert takes a ball from his pocket and tosses it to the ground. "It's ok, I found it," he announces.
Steve looks at him and says, "After all the years we've been friends, you'd go and cheat me on golf for a lousy $5?"
"What are you talking about? I found my ball right here," replies Bert.
"Oh, and a liar too!" says Steve, with disappointment. "I'll have you know I've been standing on your ball for the past five more...

A husband and wife want to take golf lessons from a pro at a local country club. The man and woman meet the pro and head onto the driving range. The man goes up to hit first. He swings and hits the ball 100 yards. The golf pro says not bad.
Golf pro: "Now hold the club as firm as you hold your wife's breasts". The man follows instructions and hits the ball 300 yards.
The golf pro says "Excellent!" Now the woman takes her turn. Her ball goes 30 yards.
Golfpro: "Not bad, try holding the club like you hold your husbands dick." She swings and the ball goes 10 yards.
Golfpro: "Not bad, but now try taking the club out of your mouth and hit the ball."

One fine day, Jim and Bob are out golfing. Jim slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs his 8-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball.The brush is quite thick, but Jim searches diligently and suddenly he spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact an 8-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball.Jim calls out to his golfing partner in an agitated voice, "Hey Bob, come here, I got trouble down here."Bob comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out, "What's the matter Jim?"Jim shouts back, "Throw me my 7-iron! You can't get out of here with an 8-iron."

Jesus, Moses and God were out playing golf one day. Jesus teed off first, and the ball flew straight over the fairway, landed in the green and rolled to within a couple feet of the hole. Moses hit second, and his ball also soared and landed close to the hole. Both looked over at God. God took a few practice swings, then let loose on his ball. The ball flew off into the rough. Just then, a squirrel jumped over, grabbed the ball in his mouth and started running across the fairway. An eagle swooped down and grabbed the squirrel in its claws, but before it could get too far, a bolt of lightning struck the bird. The ball fell and a sudden gust of wind dropped it directly into the hole. Jesus glared at God and said: "Hey, are you here to play golf or just screw around?"

When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the
moon, he not only gave his famous "One Small Step for Man, One
Giant Leap for Mankind" statement, but followed it by several
remarks - usual COM traffic between him, the other astronauts and
Mission Control. Before he re-entered the lander, he made the
enigmatic remark "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky."
Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning
some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However upon checking, there was no
Gorsky in either the Russian nor American space programs.
Over the years, many people have questioned him as to what the
"Good luck, Mr. Gorsky" statement meant. On July 5 1995, in Tampa
Bay, FL, while answering questibrought up the 26 year old question to Armstrong. He finally
responded. It seems that Mr. Gorsky had died and so Armstrong felt
he could answer the question.
When he was a kid, Neil was playing more...

The worst (and wealthiest) member of Augusta approached Ben Crenshaw after the Master's Tournament. He challenged him to a match - double or nothing the prize money he had just one. Crenshaw was hesitant but, hey, who doesn't need more money, right?
To make it fair he offered the guy any handicap he wanted. The member requested two gottcha's. Crenshaw wasn't sure what a gottcha was but since the man was insistent, he agreed.
They went out to the first tee and the member took a swing at his ball and sliced mightily. Crenshaw got up and teed up his ball. The guy came up behind Crenshaw and swung his driver hard between Crenshaw's legs. "GOTTCHA!" he screamed.
Crenshaw squirmed in agony, fell to the floor clutching his groin with tears streaming down his face. "That's one gottcha gone" said his challenger. Crenshaw took quite some minutes to compose himself again and played on.
At the end of the round the people couldn't believe that Crenshaw had lost. more...