Fairway Jokes

An alien spaceship hovered over a golf course and two aliens watched a solitary golfer in sheer amazement. The golfer duffed his tee shot, shanked his second into the rough, took three to get out of the rough onto the fairway, sliced the next shot into the bushes. He then took a putter to get it out and on to the fairway again. Meanwhile, one alien told the other that he must be playing some sort of weird game and they continued to observe the golfer. The golfer then skulled a shot into a bunker by the green. He then took several shots to get out of the bunker and finally on to the green. He putted several times until he finally got into the hole. At this point, the other alien told his partner, "Wow, now he's really in serious trouble!"

God and Moses were out golfing. They were both doing well. Then they came up to the 5th hole.

It was a dogleg to the left, with a lake to the right. Moses got up and hit a long shot with a little hook. Right in the middle of the fairway. Then God got up and pulled out his driver.

Then Moses said,"God, everytime you use you driver you always slice it."

So God said, "If Arnold Palmer can do it, I can do it." So he approched the ball. Got ready, then hit a long one. It drifted to the right, SPLISH! Right in the middle of the lake.

So Moses said, "See God, I told you that would happen. I'll get it this time but you'll have to get it next time." So Moses went out to the lake, held up his club, and parted the lake. Then he went down, picked up the ball, and came back. After that, everything was going fine.

Until the 18th hole, straight away, with a long lake on the right. Moses hit a nice straight shot down more...

Moses and Jesus were in a threesome playing golf one day. Moses pulled up to the tee and drove a long one. The ball landed in the fairway, but rolled directly toward a water hazard. Quickly Moses raised his club, the water parted and it rolled to the other side, safe and sound.
Next, Jesus strolled up to the tee and hit a nice long one directly toward the same water hazard. It landed right in the center of the pond and kind of hovered over the water. Jesus casually walked out on the pond and chipped the ball onto the green.
The third guy got up and sort of randomly whacked the ball. It headed out over the fence and into oncoming traffic on a nearby street. It bounced off a truck and hit a nearby tree. From there, it bounced onto the roof of a shack close by and rolled down into the gutter, down the drainspout, out onto the fairway and straight toward the aforementioned pond. On the way to the pond, the ball hit a little stone and bounced out over the water onto a lily pad, more...

Stevie Wonder and Jack Nicklaus are in a bar. Stevie mentions that they ought to get together and play a few holes.
"You play golf?!" asks Jack.
Stevie says, "Yes, I have been playing for years."
"But I thought you were blind; how can you play golf if you are blind?" Jack asks.
"I get my caddie to stand in the middle of the fairway and he calls to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him, then when I get to where the ball lands the caddie moves to the green or further down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice," explains Stevie.
"But how do you putt?" Nicklaus wondered.
"Well," says Stevie, "I get my caddie to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball to the sound of his voice."
Nicklaus says, "What is your handicap?"
"Well, I play off scratch," Stevie more...

Pat and Mike are playing golf one day and Pat hits a hook off the tee into a deep ravine running alongside the fairway. He goes down into the ravine to look for his ball while Mike takes the cart over to the other side of the fairway.After a while, Mike realizes that he hasn't seen Pat in quite some time so he goes back over to the ravine. Looking down, he sees his partner sitting on the ground shaking uncontrollably. Next to him is a skeleton clutching a seven iron with a golf ball next to his feet.Mike descends into the ravine and helps Pat stand up. After he composes himself, Pat says "What do you think we should do?""Well," says Mike, "I sure don't think you want to use your seven iron."