Balls Jokes / Recent Jokes

As most young, weak, and smart kids are, Ken was picked on constantly by the bullies in school. They stole his lunch, they beat him up and just downright made his life miserable. It took him a couple of weeks to find a way to get back at these bullies and when he found out what would get them back, he went all out.
He was on the bus where he normally gets his lunch stolen when he brought out a bottle that had what looked like small brown balls in it. He then, making sure no one was looking, secretly took from his pocket some milk duds and started popping them in his mouth as obvious to the rest of the kids as possible making yum yum noises.
The bully, without asking, snatched the jar from Ken's hand and asked, "What's in the bottle that you are making such a big deal of?"
"Well, they're smart pills."
"Smart pills?" the bully asked, then opened the jar and popped a couple of the foreign brown balls in his mouth. more...

One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will ask a question to the class and anyone who answers correctly doesn't have to go to school the following Monday.
On the first Friday, the teacher asks, "How many grains of sand are in the beach?" Needless to say, no one could answer.
The following Friday, the teacher asks the class, "How many stars are in the sky?" and again no one could answer. Frustrated, little Johnny decides that the next Friday, he would somehow answer the question and get a 3 day weekend.
So Thursday night, Johnny takes two ping-pong balls and paints them black. The next day, he brings them to school in a paper bag. At the end of the day, just when the teacher says, "Here's this week's question," Johnny empties the bag to the floor sending the ping-pong balls rolling to the front of the room. Because they are young kids who find any disruption of class amusing, the more...

While doing a vasectomy, the doctor slipped and cut off one of the man's balls. To avoid a huge malpractice suit, he decides to replace the missing ball with an onion. Several weeks later, the patient returned for a checkup."How's your sex life?" the doctor asked."Pretty good," the man said, to the doctor's relief. But then he added, "I've had some strange side effects.""What's that?" the doctor asked anxiously."Well, every time I piss, my eyes water. When my wife gives me a blow job, she gets heartburn. And every time I pass a hamburger stand, I get a hard-on!"

A blonde golfer goes into the pro shop and looks around frowning.Finally the pro askes her what she wants. "I can't find any green golf balls," the blonde golfer complains.The pro looks all over the shop, and through all the catalogs, and finally calls the manufacturers and determines that sure enough, there are no green golf balls.As the blonde golfer walks out the door in disgust, the pro asks her, "Before you go, could you tell me why you want green golf balls?""Well obviously, because they would be so much easier to find in the sand traps!"

On a man's 33rd birthday he gets a package at the Post Office and goes to collect it.
At the counter the woman brings his package to him, and the man says, "It's my birthday today."
"Oh, happy birthday, how old are you?", asks the Post Office worker.
"33.", says the man.
"Well, have a good day.", says the worker.
"Thank you.", replied the man.
To get home, the man has to take the bus. At the bus stop an old lady walks up and waits soon after he arrives.
The man says to the old lady,
"It's my birthday today."
"Oh, happy birthday.", says the old lady.
"I'm..."
"No don't tell me.", interjects the old lady, "I know a unique way of telling how old somebody is."
"Oh yeah? What's that then?", asks the man.
"If I can feel your balls for about 5 minutes, I can tell exactly how many years old you are.", says the old more...

Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play -- normally one club and two balls.

Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.

Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole and keep the balls out of the hole.

For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft.

Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.

Course owners reserve the right to restrict the length of the club to avoid damage to the hole.

The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the course owner is satisfied that the play is complete.

Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again.

It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course.

The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course, with special attention to well formed more...

The little cowboy, Shorty, was leaving the bar to get on his horse for the ride back to the ranch, when he noted that someone had painted his horse's balls blue.
Totally pissed, he went back into the bar and shouted, "Who's the dirty son of a bitch that painted my horse's balls blue?!"
A big burly guy stood up and said, "I did. Got a problem with that?"
"None," says Shorty, "just wanted to let you know he was dry and ready for the 2nd coat."