Bank Jokes / Recent Jokes

There is three girls who are dead and they're waiting to get into heaven. Well the man at the gates said, " there was a shootout down on thirty fourth street and we have to send a few people down to he**.Plus, you girls' records are toooooooo clean, if you can go back to earth and do the worst thing possible in 6 hours, i will let all of you in." with that they were sent back down to earth and they only had 5 hrs and 55 min to do the worst thing possible. The first girl robbed the bank on 33rd street and the second girl killed her father. when they went back up to heaven the man asked them what they did the first girl replyed, " i robbed the bank on 33rd street." so he let her drink the holy water and go into heaven. Next he asked the second girl what she did and she replyed, "i killed my father." The man was blown away but he let her drink the water and go into heaven. Last he asked the remaining girl what she did and she said, "I peed in the holy more...

"I'm not saying that the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance. .. she leaned over and pushed me."

I give all of these people a DUH! - DOH! - & Woo-hoo!
HANDS-DOWN WINNER OF THE IDIOT CORPORATION AWARD! AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. (Let that be a lesson to him!)
WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS! Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting out to give himself up. (No one ever said you had to be "smart" to be a cop.)
NOW THIS SOUNDS LIKE IT WAS PLANNED OUT WELL...NOT! An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank account. (Maybe he should have pretended to have a brain!)
WHEN YOU THINK YOU'RE HAVING A BAD DAY...READ THIS more...

A wealthy investor walked into a bank and said to the bank manager, "I would like to speak with Mr. Reginald Jones, who I understand is a tried and trusted employee of yours." The banker said, "Yes he certainly was trusted. And he will be tried as soon as we catch him."

This one older lady, not quite up on the ins and outs of banks, was surprised to receive a notice demanding payment on her loan. She called the loan officer & said, "I can't return your money. I'm not finished with it yet."

Explaining their policy on not cashing checks for people who don't have accounts with their bank, the teller said, "Why if he didn't have an account here, I wouldn't cash a check for my own brother." The irate customer replied, "Well... you know your family a lot better than I."

While the US stock market is at an all time high, the ups and downs frighten a lot of small investors like me. I went to my financial advisor at the bank and asked if he was worried. He replied that he slept like a baby. I was amazed and asked, "Really? ?? Even with all the fluctuations? " He said, "Yes. I sleep for a couple of hours, then wake up and cry for a couple of hours."

I heard a story of a woman going into a bank with her son who was about 5 or6. He was being a brat and his mother was having a hard time controlling him. When she finally got to the teller, she sat the boy on the counter and said, "Now you be a good boy or I'll tell Gramma how you were acting and she won't give you anymore cookies." The child sat there for a moment with a scowl on his face and then told her, and everyone else in the bank, "Oh yeah? Well I'll tell Gramma I saw you sucking Daddy's cock!"The place went completely silent and the woman just picked up her son and left without finishing her banking.

My uncle was travelling on business, in New Mexico. He needed to cash a check, and went to the bank (strangely enough).
He gave his check to the bank teller, and she looked at it and said "O-co-no-co-mo-co-woc" (actually 'Oconomowoc')
"Gee, that's a funny name for a city!"
My uncle's response was "And Albuquerque isn't?"
Well, *I* thought it was funny.