Bank Jokes / Recent Jokes

A competition was recently held to find out the most embarrassing moments in peoples lives. The following are the final four places.
Fourth Place.
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and started to run amok. I was finally able to grab hold of, her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she didn't start behaving herself' right now', she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,' If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!'.
The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing! I mustered the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing that I heard as the door closed behind me were the screams of laughter.
Third Place.
It was the day before my more...

A man and a woman met in an elevator. "Where are you headed today?" the man asked. "I'm going down to give blood." "How much do you get paid for giving blood?" "Oh, about $20." "Wow," said the man, "I'm going up to donate sperm, and the sperm bank pays $100." The woman then walked off angrily. The next day, the man and woman met at the elevator once again. "Fancy meeting you again. Where you off to today?" "Sperm bank," she said with her mouth full.

Two prison inmates are talking about their crimes.
Jeff: "I robbed a bank and they sentenced me to twenty-five years."
Randy: "I killed a man and they gave me three days."
Jeff: "What!!" How could that be? I merely rob a bank and get twenty-five years, yet you kill a man and get only three days! Who did you kill?"
Randy: "A lawyer!"

Two prisoners are talking about their crimes:George: "I robbed a bank, and they gave me 20 years"Herman: "Hmm. I killed a man, and I'm here for 3 days"George: "*WHAT*??? I rob a bank and get 20 years; you kill a man and get 3 days???"Herman: "Yeah, it was a lawyer."

I carry a picture around with me, that of me fucking the CEO of Capital One in the ass, just like he's done to me all these years.
What's in your wallet?

A Sardar went to a bank to open a S. B. A/C. After Seeing he went to Delhi. Guess why?
The FORM said "FILL UP IN CAPITAL ".

Mother decided that 10-year-old Cathy should get something' practical' for her birthday."Suppose we open a savings account for you?" mother suggested. Cathy was delighted."It's your account, darling," mother said as they arrived at the bank, "so you fill out the application."Cathy was doing fine until she came to the space for' Name of your former bank.' After a slight hesitation, she put down' Piggy.'