Bar Jokes / Recent Jokes

what do you call a blonde with a single brain cell?
genius
what do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
pregnant

Superman and Spiderman
Superman and Spiderman are standing at a bar, Superman is looking a
bit down, - What's the matter? asks Spiderman. - Well to tell you the
truth, I haven't had "IT" for months and it's really getting to me, comes
the reply. - It's funny you should say that, on the way here I was
swinging past Wonder Womans flat and she was lying on her bed in the
altogether with her legs akimbo says Spiderman with a grin... - What do
you mean? asks Superman - Well with your powers you could dive in, do
the business and be out before she knows what hit her Spiderman
replies. - OK I'll do it........ Off he goes to Wonder Womans flat and
sure enough she's still lying on her bed as if waiting for something!! He
shoots through the window, does the job and flys back to the bar. -
Bloody hell says Wonder Woman, what was that? - I don't know - but
my arse is in pieces replied the Invisible Man

A man came from church one day and upon reaching da house he met his wife at da hall.As soon as he saw his wife he carried her up not wanting to drop her.Da wife was surprised and asked her husband whether da pastor preached about being romantic to your partners.Da man said no and then da wife was a little bit suprised and stil wanted to know why she was stil being carried up.Da husband looked at her and said da pastor told us to carry our burdens and sorrows up and high. Symon

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back." The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer.

One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?", asks the Irishman.

The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back.

The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.

The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?".

The Irishman replies, "Oh...I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could more...

What's the difference between a drunk and an alcoholic? A drunk doesn't have to go to those stupid meetings.

Sven and Osmond are good friends.
Each day, they get together after work and have a shot in a local bar.
This is a tradition that goes on for some time.
One day, Osmond says to Sven, "Sven, if I die before you, promise me that you will have a shot for me, each day."
Sven considers this and agrees.
Well, sure enough, Osmond dies, and sure enough, Sven has an extra shot for him every day after work.
This goes on for some time, and the waitress is quite familiar with the ritual and the reason.
One day, Sven comes in and orders one drink. Well, the waitress is shock, and says, "But, Sven, aren't you going to have another drink for your friend, as usual?"
Sven says, "Well, you see, I joined Alcoholics Anonymous, but I don't think that Osmond should be punished for that."

Turnaround is fair play
A guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"
She yells, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!"
Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.
After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."
To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200!?!"