Barman Jokes / Recent Jokes

A golf club walks into a local bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer. The barman refuses to serve him. "Why not," asks the golf club. "You'll be driving later," replies the bartender.

A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer.' 'Certainly, sir, that'll be 1 cent.''

''One penny?!'' exclaimed the guy. The barman replied,' 'Yes.'' So, the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks,' 'Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with fries, peas, and a salad?''

''Certainly sir,'' replies the bartender,' 'but all that comes to real money.''' 'How much money?'' inquires the guy.' 'Four cents,'' he replies.

''Four cents?!'' exclaims the guy.' 'Where's the guy who owns this place?'' The barman replies,' 'Upstairs with my wife.'' The guy says,' 'What's he doing with your wife?'' The bartender replies,' 'Same as what I'm doing to his business.''

A guy comes into a bar and asks the barman for twelve-year-old scotch. The barman thinks "This guy is pretty pretentious" and proceeds to pour him a drink of six-year-old scotch. He gives it to the customer who takes a drink, exclaiming, "This isn't twelve-year-old scotch, this is six-year-old scotch" The barman thinks, hey this guy knows what he's talking about, and the two of them get into a conversation about where the customer is from etc.. At one point an old guy, who was sitting at the other end of the bar comes over with a glass and hands it to the customer. The latter takes a drink, and spits it out. "This is piss!" he yells. The old guy nods and says, "Yeah, but how old am I?"

So, this penguin goes into a bar and says to the barman "have you seen my brother?"... and the barman says "I don't know, what does he look like?" (ba-dum-tish)

A panda walked into a bar. He went up to the bar and said "I'd like a steak and kidney pie and a Coke please" so the barman took his order and the panda went to sit down. Soon a waiter brought over his meal. The panda ate it up, thanked and tipped the waiter and paid the bill. All this seemed pretty normal until the panda pulled out a gun from the depths of his fur, pulled the trigger and BANG! shot the waiter. The barman came over and said "Wha.. wh.. You just shot my friend!!!"the panda calmly replied "Do you know what I am?" "Why yes," the barman answered. "Your a panda." "Good," the panda nodded "Now go home and look up' panda' in the dictionary." And with that, the panda walked out of the bar. The barman was a little unsure, however he was very eager to be enlighted on the subject of his friend's murder, so he went home to find his dictionary. After a while, he found' panda' and quickly read the definition: more...

So, this penguin goes into a bar and says to the barman "have you seen my brother?"...
and the barman says "I don't know, what does he look like?" (ba-dum-tish)

A rabbit walks into a pub and says to the
barman "Can I have a pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie"
The barman is amazed but gives the rabbit a
pint of beer and a ham and cheese toastie. The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the
toastie, he then leaves.
The following night the rabbit returns and again asks for a Pint of Beer and
a Ham and Cheese Toastie.
The barman, now intrigued by the rabbit and the extra drinkers in the pub (because word gets round) gives the rabbit the pint and the toastie.
The rabbit consumes them and leaves.
The next night, the pub is packed, in walks the rabbit and says "A pint of
beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman"
The crowd is hushed as the barman gives the rabbit his pint and toastie and
then burst into applause as the rabbit wolfs them down.
The next night there is standing room only in the pub, coaches have been
laid on for the crowds of patrons more...