Barn Jokes / Recent Jokes
An old farmer decided it was time to get a new rooster for his hens. The current rooster was doing his job okay, but he was getting on in years. And the farmer figured it wouldn't hurt anything. So he gets a young cock and and lets it loose in the barn yard. The old rooster sees the young one strutting around and he gets a little worried. So, they are trying to replace me, thinks the old rooster. I've got to do something about this.
He walks up to the new bird and says,"So, your the new guy in town. I bet you think you're really hot stuff don't you? I'm not exactly ready for the chopping block yet. I bet I'm still the better bird and to prove it, I challenge you to a race around the hen house over there. We'll run around it ten times and whoever finishes first gets to have all the hens to himself."
Well, the young rooster was a proud sort, and he definitely thought he was more than a match for the old guy. "You're on," more...
There once was a nonconformist bird that decided not to fly south for the winter. He said "I've had enough of this flying south every winter, I'll just stay right here on this farm, what's the big deal, anyway?"
So he stayed. Winter came and was very cold, the nonconformist bird had never felt such cold weather and was afraid that he might freeze to death. Realizing he had made a big mistake by staying, he headed to a near by barn for shelter. On his way to the barn it began to snow. The poor bird was cold, tired and hungry. "Why did I stay?" he asked himself as he collapsed on the ground. As he lay there covered by the snow, a cow happened by.
The cow, feeling the need to relieve himself, crapped right on the bird. At first being angry the bird said, "Who did this horrible thing to me, how dare someone crap on me, I'll get him for this!" The crap was too heavy for him to free himself. But, after a while the crap began to warm him and he more...
There once was Blonde, and Brunette, and a Red head. They were all running from the FBI. They ran and ran and ran. They saw this barn, they ran in. Then they saw 3 burlap sacks and hide in them. The FBI guys entered the barn, and seeing the sacks kicked the first one which the brunette was in. "Meow meow" says the bag.
"Oh its just some cats" says the man. He does to the next sack that the red head was in.
"Bark, Ruff!" comes from within the sack.
"Oh, its just a bunch of dogs!" he says.
Then he goes to the last sack that the blonde was in, and before he could kick, she said "Potatoes!"
There were three women that broke out of jail.One had red hair, one had brown hair, the other was blone.As they were running down the road they saw a old barn, so they went to hide out in it.They hide behind three bells of hay.The police search party went in the barn looking for them.One police went over to the bells of hay and kicked the first one were the red head was hiding.She cried out"Quack Quack"So he thought it was a duck.He went to the second bell of hay were the brown haired lady was hinding.She cried out"Arf Arf"So he thought it was a dog.He went to the thrid bell of hay were the blonde was hiding.She cried out"Potatoes Potatoes"So he kicked it again.Now she cried out"Cat Cat"
Two 13 year old boys at work meet each other in the barn, and boy#1 says, "Okay, who's going to give every cow a blowjob/' Then, boy#2 says, "I will," and boy#1 agrees to help. Boy#1 goes and gets a blowdryer. Boy#2 promptly starts sucking the cows dicks. Boy#1 comes back with a blow dryer and asks, "What are you doing?" Boy#2 says that he's giving the cow a blow job. Boy#1 says, "Oh, ok," and starts to strip Boy#2 down, and boy#2 asks, "What are you doing?" Boy#1 says, "I'm starting a treesome." Then the cow came all over Boy#2s face. Boy#1 says, "Dang!" and instead, he goes over to another cow and looks at it. It's a female. Boy#1 getS a ladder, walks up behind the cow, and starts to fuck the cow. Boy#2 gets a bigger ladder, goes behind Boy#1, and starts fucking him. Boy#1 came in the cow's ass, and at the same time, Boy#2 came in Boy#1's ass. 9 months later, the female cow had a cowman. The the father of the boys went more...
On Cows and Government
FEUDALISM
You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk
PURE SOCIALISM
You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.
BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM
You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.
FASCISM
You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.
PURE COMMUNISM
You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.
RUSSIAN COMMUNISM
You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the more...
Larry's barn burned down, and Susan, his wife, called the insurancecompany. .. Susan: We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money. Agent: Whoa there just a minute, Susan; it doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of the old barn and provide you with a new one of comparable worth. Susan, after a pause: I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband.