Barn Jokes / Recent Jokes

Log on -- Make the wood stove hotter
Log off -- Don't add no more wood
Monitor -- Keep an eye on that wood stove
Download -- Getting the firewood off the truck
Floppy disk -- What you get from trying to carry too much firewood
Ram -- The thing that splits the firewood
Hard drive -- Getting home in the winter
Prompt -- What the mail ain't in the winter
Window -- What to shut when it's cold outside
Screen -- What to shut in black fly season
Byte -- What the black flies do
Bit -- What the black flies did
Mega Byte -- What the BIG black flies do chip Munchies for TV
Micro Chip -- What's left in the bag after you eat the chips
Modem -- What you did to the hay fields
Dot matrix -- Old Dan Matrix's wife
Lap top -- Where the kitty sleeps
Software -- The dumb plastic knives & forks they give you at McDonalds
Hardware -- The real stainless steel cutlery.
Mouse -- What eats grain in the barn
Main more...

A Rabbi, a Hindu and a lawyer were driving late at night in the country when their car expired. They set out to find help, and came to a farmhouse. When they knocked at the door, the farmer explained that he had only two beds, and one of the three had to sleep in the barn with the animals. The three quickly agreed, the Rabbi said he would sleep in the barn and let the other two have the beds. Ten minutes after the Rabbi left, there was a knock on the bedroom door. The Rabbi entered exclaiming "I can't sleep in the barn; there is a pig in there! It's against my religion to sleep in the same room with a pig, I can't be the one out there."The Hindu said HE would sleep in the barn, as he had no religious problem with pigs. However, about five minutes later, the Hindu burst through the bedroom door saying "There's a COW in the barn! I can't sleep in the same room as a cow! It's against my religion!"The lawyer, anxious to get to sleep, said he'd go to the barn, as he had more...

A lawyer and two friends, a Rabbi and a Hindu holy man, had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer. The farmer said "There might be a problem; you see, I only have room for two to sleep, so one of you must sleep in the barn."

"No problem," said the Rabbi, "My people wandered in the desert for forty years, I am humble enough to sleep in the barn for an evening." With that he departed to the barn and the others bedded down for the night. Moments later a knock was heard at the door; the farmer opened the door, there stood the Rabbi from the barn.

"What's wrong?" asked the farmer.

He replied, "I am grateful to you, but I can't sleep in the barn. There is a pig in the barn and my faith believes that is an unclean animal." His Hindu friend agrees to swap places with him. But a few minutes late the same scene reoccurs. There is a knock on the door,

"What's more...

There were two farmers, neither one had much common sense. They were told by their boss to put the mule in the barn.
When they led the mule over to the barn, they decided that the mule's ears were to long and he would not fit into the barn. So they put their heads together and decided to get a ladder and a saw and saw the overhead of the barn out so the mule could walk right on in the barn.
They began their job and the boss walked over to them and asked them why they were sawing out the top of the barn. When they told him the mule's ears were too long to go into the barn, the boss said:
"Why don't you just get a shovel and dig the dirt out of the ground below, then the mule could walk on in"
The two half smarts looked at each other and said "We told you his "ears" are too long, not his feet!

A blone, a brunette, and a red head, were running from the cops so they run into this barn they see three potato sacks sitting on the ground so they each jump in one. then the cops come running in to the barn after them, and they see the sacks sitting there so they hit the first one with their knight stick it was the brunette she said "woof" so they would think it was a dog. the cops hit the next one it was the redhead "meow" the cops thought it was a cat. the proceded to the third one it was the blnde and she yelled "potatos"

Our son was constantly wandering in and out of the house, leaving the front or back door wide open."Once and for all, will you PLEASE close that door!" my exasperated wife pleaded one day. "Were you born in a barn?""No, I was born in a hospital," he replied, smirking, "...with automatic doors."

One day a man decided to start a farm. So he walked down the road until he came to a farm and asked, “Do you have any chickens? ”
The farmer replies “Yes, but we dont call them that around here. ‘Round here we call ‘em Pullets” He buys the “pullet”
So the farmer goes down the road and again finds a barn and asks “Do you have and Roosters? ”
The farmer replies, “Yes but around here we dont call them that. ’Round here we call ‘em cocks. ” So he buys the “cock”
So the farmer goes down the road and again finds a barn and asks “Do you have any donkeys? ”
The farmer replies “Yeah but we dont call ‘em that around here. ‘Round here we call ‘em asses. ” So he buys the “ass” But just before he leaves the famrer says “Now treat that animal kindly. When it rolls over it means it wants to be scratched. ”
So the farmer goes down the road and sees a woman walking down the road. His donkey suddenly rolls over. He more...