Barney Jokes / Recent Jokes

[Note - a few years old, and a search didn't reveal either a copyright or an
attribution. Earliest claim I could find was dated Aug 1993 by
[email protected] - ed]
AD&D Monster Manual IV
Barney
CLIMATE/TERRAIN: Nine Hells, Gehenna, Hades, The Abyss, PBS
FREQUENCY: Very rare or daily at 4 pm
ORGANIZATION: Solitary
ACTIVITY CYCLE: Day
DIET: Little children's minds
INTELLIGENCE: Insipid (-12)
TREASURE: Merchandising contracts
ALIGNMENT: Purple evil
NO. APPEARING: 1 (may be attended by 1-100 Barney zombies, see below)
ARMOR CLASS: 10 (big and plush)
MOVEMENT: 3
HIT DICE: 8
THAC0: 12
NO. OF ATTACKS: 2
DAMAGE/ATTACK: 1-10 (x2)
SPECIAL ATTACKS: Hug (damage 3-30)
SPECIAL DEFENSES: Aura of intolerable idiocy
MAGIC RESISTANCE: 90%
SIZE: L (8' tall)
MORALE: Stupid (30)
XP VALUE: 4,000
Barney is a demon from the lower planes, a great purple and plush deformed
dinosaur. It is the more...

Every weekend Wilma and Barny go to church.During the service Barney falls asleep.One afternoon Wilma asks the priest what she can do about it, and the priest hands her a needle."
What do I do with this?"
She asked."
Well whenever he falls asleep prick him with it."
The priest replied.
So the following week during the service Barney goes to sleep.The priest asks "
Who is our savior?"
Wilma pricks Barney with the needle and he yells "
JESUS!!"
a few moments later he goes back to sleep.
The priest then asks "
Who is the father of Christ?"
Again Wilma pokes him with the needle and Barney yells out "
GOD!!"
A few minutes later he goes back to sleep.
The priest then asks "
What did Eve say to Adam after he impregnated her for the 99th time?"
Wilma poked Barney with the needle again and he yells "
IF YOU STICK THAT DAMN THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME more...

Satanic Barney Proof Given: Barney is a CUTE PURPLE DINOSAUR Prove: Barney is satanic The Romans had no letter 'U', and used 'V' instead for printing, meaning the Roman representation would for Barney would be: CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR Extracting the Roman numerals, we have: CV V L DI V And their decimal equivalents are: 100 5 5 50 500 1 5 Adding those numbers produces: 666. 666 is the number of the Beast. Proved: BARNEY IS SATAN! oI=vo ?/$="'" """^SATAN$~ .&?/' '""$$,, /?/' /-"^. .-=~T,, /?/' /SATAN IS,&' LT '? ''? ^I/HATE