Basket Jokes / Recent Jokes

A butcher is leaning on the counter toward the close of day when a dog with a basket in its jaws comes pushing through the door."An' wot's this then?" he asked. The dog knocks the basket sharply into the butcher's shins. "You dumb dog." As he reaches down to smack the dog, he notices a note and a ten dollar bill in the basket.The scribble on the note asks for three pounds of his best mince [ground beef]. The butcher figures this is too easy. He goes to the window and reaches for the dried up stuff that's been sitting out all day.The dog growls at him. The butcher turns around and, glaring at the pup, gets the best mince from the fridge. Weighing out about 2 1/2 pounds, he drops in on the scale with his thumb."Hmmmmm, a bit shy. Who'll know?"Again, the dog growls menacingly. "Alright, alright," as he throws on a generous half pound. He wraps it out, drops it in the basket, and drops in change from a five. The dog threatens to chew him off at the more...

One day at the end of class little Johnny's teacher has the class go home and think of a story and then conclude the moral of that story. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell their story, little Suzy raises her hand.
"My dad owns a farm and every Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road."
The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Suzy replies, "Don't keep all your eggs in one basket."
Next is little Lucy. "Well my dad owns a farm too and every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only 8 of the 12 eggs hatched."
The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Lucy replies "Don't count your eggs before they're hatched."
Last is little Johnny. "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war; his plane was shot down over more...

A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. As they passed the cookie section, the little girl asked for cookies and her mother told her, " No." The little girl immediately began to whine and fuss, and the mother said quietly, "Now Monica, we just have half of the aisles left to go through - don't be upset. It won't be long now."
Soon, they came to the candy aisle and the little girl began to shout for candy. When told she couldn't have any, she began to cry. The mother said, " There, there, Monica, don't cry - only two more aisles to go and then we'll be checking out."
A man observed a woman in the grocery store with a three year old girl in her basket. When they got to the checkout stand, the little girl immediately began to clamor for gum and burst into a terrible tantrum upon discovering there'd be no gum purchased.
The mother said serenely, " Monica, we'll be through this check out stand more...

Q: What is a dog's favorite Easter terat?
A: Jelly bones!
Q: What has big ears, brings Easter terats, and goes hippity-BOOM< hippity-BOOM?
A: The Easter Elephant.
Q: How should you send a letter to the Easter Bunny?
A: By hare mail!
Q: What do you need if your chocolate eggs mysteriously disappear?
A: You need an eggsplanation!
Q: How did the soggy Easter Bunny dry himself?
A: With a hare dryer!
Q: How is the Easter Bunny like Michael Jordan?
A: They're both famous for stuffing baskets!
Q: What's red and blue and sogs up your Easter basket?
A: Colored scrambled eggs!
Q: Did you hear about the farmer who fed crayons to his chickens?
A: He wanted them to lay colored eggs!
Q: What did one colored egg say to the other?
A:' Heard any good yolks lately!'
Q: What's big and purple and hugs your Easter basket?
A: The Easter Barney!
Q: How does the Easter Bunny paint all of those eggs?
A: He more...

Little Red Riding Hood was getting ready to go and deliver a basket of goodies to Grandmother when her mother stopped her, saying "Little Red, you had better be careful in the woods because the Big Bad Wolf is out today. If he catches you, he is going to lift up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and fuck your little red socks off."
"Oh I'll be all right," Little Red answered as she pulled out a rather large shotgun from the basket she was carrying. Assured that her daughter would be safe, she allowed Little Red to leave the house and begin the journey to Grandmother's house.
Along the trail in the woods, Little Red came across her friends, the three little pigs (don't ask what they are doing in the woods, after all it is just a joke)
"Little Red, Little Red," they called to her, "you had better be careful because the Big Bad Wolf is in the woods today. He said that if he catches you, he is going to lift up your more...

INTERVIEW WITH THE EASTER BUNNY

With the possible exception of Santa Claus himself, there is not a busier mammal on the face of the earth than the Easter Bunny. Once a year, the Easter Bunny hops into the home of hundreds of millions of boys and girls all over the globe, dropping off chocolates, candy and eggs as part of the celebration of Easter. Our Staff spent a few minutes with the Easter Bunny as he was preparing for this year's task, for a tell-all, no-holds-barred interview. If you thought you knew the Easter Bunny, you just may be surprised.

Our Staff: Thanks for talking to us.

Easter Bunny: No problem. Do you mind if I eat while we talk? (takes out a packet of small green pellets) I've been in a rush recently.

OS: Go right ahead. We've got a list of questions here, compiled from our members, and I'll just go down the list if you don't mind.

EB: Ready when you are.

OS: The first question comes from Ted, in more...