Bassists Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: How many bassists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Five-one to do it and four to beat back all the guitarists who are trying to elbow him out of the spotlight.

Q: How many bassists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: It doesn't matter. Nobody will notice anyway.

Q: How many bassists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one, but the guitarist has to show him first

Q: How many bassists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. The keyboardist does it with his left hand.

Last summer, the local orchestra decided to play Beethoven`s 9th symphony.
However, it being quite hot, the players were working up quite a sweat, until a neighbor let them use the ventilators in her house.
However, the wind from these ventilators was causing the notes to blow all over the place, so they had to tie them down to the note holders.
The din from the ventilators was so bad that the bassists decided it didn`t matter if they downed a few drinks and got royally drunk.
Two of the bassists got so drunk that they pass out.
One of the violinists, in disgust, decided to go home but slipped and fell.
Thus, it was the bottom of the 9th, the bassists were loaded, the score was tied with two men out, and the fans were roaring wild when one of the players slid home.

Last summer, the local orchestra decided to play Beethoven's 9th symphony. However, it being quite hot, the players were working up quite a sweat, until a neighbor let them use the ventilators in her house. However, the wind from these ventilators was causing the notes to blow all over the place, so they had to tie them down to the note holders. The din from the ventilators was so bad that the bassists decided it didn't matter if they downed a few drinks and got royally drunk. Two of the bassists got so drunk that they pass out. One of the violinists, in disgust, decided to go home but slipped and fell. Thus, it was the bottom of the 9th, the bassists were loaded, the score was tied with two men out, and the fans were roaring wild when one of the players slid home.

The Boston Symphony was performing Beethoven's Ninth. In the piece, there's a long passage of about 20 minutes during which the bass violinists have nothing to do. Rather than sit around the whole time looking stupid, some bassists decided to sneak offstage and go to the tavern next door for a quick one.
After slamming several beers in quick succession (as bass violinists are prone to do), one of them looked at his watch. "Hey! We need to get back!"
"No need to panic," said a fellow bassist.
"I thought we might need some extra time, so I tied the last few pages of the conductor's score together with string.
It'll take him a few minutes to get it untangled."
A few moments later they staggered back to the concert hall and took their places in the orchestra. About this time, a member of the audience noticed the conductor seemed a bit edgy and said as much to her companion.
"Well, of course," said her companion. "Don't more...