Bathroom Jokes / Recent Jokes

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington recently was faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.
That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.
To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip more...

The husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained (as usual) "I have a headache"...
"Perfect" he said. "I was just in the bathroom powdering my dick with aspirin. You can either take it orally or as a suppository - it's up to you!"

Little Johnny's Good Manners! During class, a teacher asked the boys the following question: "If you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the restroom?"

A boy named Michael raised his hand first and said, "I would tell her, just a minute, I have to go pee really quick, I'll be right back!" "That would be very rude and impolite," the teacher responded.

Next a boy named Peter raised his hand and said, "Excuse me, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back." "That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table," replied the teacher.

Then, little Johnny raised his hand and said, "I would say darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after dinner!" The teacher fainted.

A man has been married to his wife for over 20 years and during the past 5 years he has been unable to obtain an erection. He feels just horrible because he is unable to have sex with his wife. He fears his wife may leave him for another man. Out of desperation the man has gone to every doctor and expert in the area. Despite numerous tests and suggested remedies, no reason for his impotence can be found and no cure has worked. The man decides to share his problem with his best friend. His best friend gets all excited and says, "I know who can help you! There is mystic and he was able to help someone else I know with the same problem! You must go see him!"So the man takes his friend's advice and goes to visit this curious mystic. The man explains his problem, the mystic looks him over and says, "Ah, yes, indeed I can offer a temporary cure." The man is just elated, he tells the mystic, "Whatever it is, please do it! I want to be able to have sex with my wife, more...

If you're easily offended (I mean VERY easily), don't read this.
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WOMEN SPEAK IN ESTROGEN AND MEN LISTEN IN TESTOSTERONE... By Matt Groening (Creator of The Simpsons and Life in Hell)
Deep Thoughts about Gender Differences
SEX: Women prefer 30-40 minutes of foreplay. Men prefer 30-40 seconds of foreplay. Men consider driving back to her place as part of the foreplay.
MATURITY: Women mature much faster than men. Most 17-year old females can function as adults. Most 17-year old males are still trading baseball cards and giving each other wedgies after gym class. This is why high school romances rarely work out.
MAGAZINES: Men's magazines often feature pictures of naked women.
Women's magazines also feature pictures of naked women. This is because the female body is a beautiful work of art, while the male body is lumpy and hairy and should not be seen by the light of day. Men are turned on at the sight of a naked woman's body. Most naked men elicit laughter more...