Beans Jokes / Recent Jokes

You're Drinking Too Much Coffee When. . .

Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.

You ski uphill.

You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.

You speed walk in your sleep.

You have a bumper sticker that says: "Coffee drinkers are good in the sack."

You answer the door before people knock.

You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.

You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.

You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.

You sleep with your eyes open.

You have to watch videos in fast-forward.

The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.

You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.

You lick your coffeepot clean.

You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."

You're the employee of the month at the local more...

Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Hubby: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Hubby: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"
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Stress Reliever # 2
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet.
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Stress Reliever # 3
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's more...

There is an old Indian Tribe in the Amazon and their chief is getting old and a new, young challenger wants to be chief.
So the wise man of the tribe decides that whoever produces the loudest fart in a week will be chief.
The first few days pass and neither the chief or his young rival have farted.
The wiseman emerges and says, "Big Chief no Fart." The next day a truck load of baked beans arrives for the Chief, but at the end of the day the wiseman says, "Big Chief no Fart."
The next day, three truckloads arrives for the Chief, but again the wiseman comes out and says,"Big Chief no Fart."
The Chief is becoming frustrated and orders an army of trucks loaded with baked beans.
At the end of the day the wiseman comes out and says... "Big Fart, no Chief!"

There is an old Indian Tribe in the Amazon and their chief is getting old and a new, young challenger wants to be chief.So the wise man of the tribe decides that whoever produces the loudest fart in a week will be chief.The first few days pass and neither the chief or his young rival have farted.The wiseman emerges and says, "Big Chief no Fart." The next day a truck load of baked beans arrives for the Chief, but at the end of the day the wiseman says, "Big Chief no Fart."The next day, three truckloads arrives for the Chief, but again the wiseman comes out and says,"Big Chief no Fart."The Chief is becoming frustrated and orders an army of trucks loaded with baked beans.At the end of the day the wiseman comes out and says... "Big Fart, no Chief!"

An old age goes into a cafe and asks the waiter if they have any baked beans. "Yes, of course," replies the waiter. "I'll have two tins on toast, then," says the pensioner. The waiter brings the meal over and the old chap happily munches away, downs a cup of tea then trots out into the street. Less than a minute later, a policeman rushes into the cafe. "You know that elderly chap who was in here just a second ago?" he says. "I'm afraid he's collapsed outside on the pavement and died." "I can't believe it," says the waiter. "He was full of beans when he left."

Juan Valdez named his donkey after you. You ski uphill. You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked. You speed walk in your sleep. You have a bumper sticker that says: "Coffee drinkers are good in the sack." You answer the door before people knock. You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse. You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit. You grind your coffee beans in your mouth. You sleep with your eyes open. You have to watch videos in fast-forward. The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake. You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer. You lick your coffeepot clean. You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House." You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there. You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week. Your eyes stay open when you sneeze. You chew on other people's fingernails. The nurse needs a scientific calculator to more...

there were three beans..
a black bean a red bean and a yellow bean
the black bean lived in the toilet the yellow bean lived in the freezer and the red bean lived in the cupboard.
one night they all decide to change there sleeping arrangements, so the black bean goes and sleeps in the freezer, the yellow bean goes and sleeps in the cupboard and the red bean goes and sleeps in the toilet.
in the morning they all wake up and meet in the kitchen to exchange stories.
the black bean goes " i hardly got any sleep last ngiht because it was so cold! "
the yellow bean then goes " i love the cupboard it was so cosy and warm! "
then the red bean goes " it was raining last ngiht but at least a log came and saved me " .