Beans Jokes / Recent Jokes

Juan Valdez names his donkey after you.
You ski uphill.
You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
You speed walk in your sleep.
You answer the door before people knock.
You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
Jai alai plays as slow as a senior's golf tournament to you.
You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
You sleep with your eyes open.
You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without
using the timer.
You listen to speed metal to relax.
You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week.
Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
You chew on other people's fingernails.
The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
You're so jittery people use your hands to blend their margaritas.
You can type sixty words a minute with your feet.
You can jump start more...

Beans beans they give you gas! They go in your mouth and come out your . .THAT IS ENOUGH!!!

Beans, beans, good for the heart.
The more you eat, the more you fart.
The more you fart, the better you feel.
So eat some beans with every meal.

Once upon a time there lived a woman who had a maddening passion forbaked beans. She loved them but unfortunately they had always had avery embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her. Then one day she met a guy and fell in love. When it became apparentthat they would marry she thought to herself, "He is such a sweetand gentle man, but he would never go for this carrying on." So she made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Some monthslater her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she livedin the country she called her husband and told him that she would be late because she had to walk home. On her way she passed a smalldiner and the odor of the baked beans was more than she could stand. Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she would walkoff any ill effects by the time she reached home. So, she stopped at the diner and before she knew it, she hadconsumed three large orders of baked beans. She putt-putted all theway home, and upon arriving more...

Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a maddening passion
for baked beans. He loved them, but unfortunately, they had
always had a very embarrassing, and somewhat lively effect on
him. Then, one day he met a girl and fell in love. When it
became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself,
"She is such a sweet and gentle girl, she would never go for this
carrying on." So he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up
beans.
Some months later, his car broke down on the way home from work.
Since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her
he would be late because he would have to walk home. On his way,
he passed a little diner and the odor of baked beans was more
than he could stand. Since he still had several miles to walk, he figured that he could walk off any ill effects by the time he got
home. So, he stopped at the diner. Before he knew it, he had
consumed three large helpings more...

You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.
You can amuse yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.
You have to go down to the creek to take a bath.

Once there was a man who loved baked beans. He would eat up to 5 and sometimes 6 plates at a time, but that always be followed with smelly, loud, stinky gas.
One day he met a beautiful lady and decided to talk to her. They started seeing each other.
Since he did not want her to smell his nasty gas after eating beans, he made the sacrifice, and stopped eating them. One year later they were married.
On his birthday, the next year, he was coming home from work, when suddenly his car broke down.
He called his wife to tell her what had happened, and also to let her know that he would be home a little late. She said she understood, but to hurry, because she had a surprise for him.
On his way he saw a diner and smelled baked beans cooking inside. Since he had to walk 6 miles to get home, he figured that by the time he got there all the smelly gas would be gone.
He went in and ate 7 bowls of baked beans. On his way back home, he was farting nasty and more...