Beans Jokes / Recent Jokes
There were three guys, a mexican, a black guy, and a white guy. They all worked on a sky scrapers and they ate their lunch on a beam high above. well one day they all sat down to eat their lunch and the white guy got to thinking and he said "you know, im getting sick of bologna and cheese sandwiches. if i open this lunch box and get a bologna and cheese sandwich again im going to jump of here." sure enough he opens it and there is a bologna and cheese sandwich, so he jumps off and dies. Then the black guy got to thinking and he said: "you know that white boy is right! im getting sick of fried chitlens, if i open this lunch pail and i get friend chitlens im jumping of this building." sure enough it was fried chitlens so he jumps of and dies! Then the mexican says: "you know those guys are right. Im sick of Tacos and refried beans, if i get tacos and refried beans again im jumping off this building." sure enough it was tacos and refried beans so he jumps more...
There is an old Indian Tribe in the Amazon and their chief is getting old and a new, young challenger wants to be chief. So the wise man of the tribe decides that whoever produces the loudest fart in a week will be chief. The first few days pass and neither the chief or his young rival have farted. The wiseman emerges and says, "Big Chief no Fart." The next day a truck load of baked beans arrives for the Chief, but at the end of the day the wiseman says, "Big Chief no Fart." The next day, three truckloads arrives for the Chief, but again the wiseman comes out and says,"Big Chief no Fart." The Chief is becoming frustrated and orders an army of trucks loaded with baked beans. At the end of the day the wiseman comes out and says... "Big Fart, no Chief!"
Why don`t mexicans bbq?
The beans fall through the little holes.
HUMPTY DUMPTY
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the King's Horses and all the King's men
Came and ate scrambled eggs again.
Father Bear: Someone has been eating my porridge.
Mother Bear: Someone has been eating my porridge.
Baby Bear (crying): Someone has been eating my porridge!
Granny Bear: Oh, will you all please cut it out?! I haven't even served
the porridge yet!
Why is a pig's tail like getting up at 3 am?. .. Its twirly.
Why did Robin Hood rob only the rich?. .. Because the poor had no money.
Horse walks into a bar. Bartender asks him, "Why the long face?"
Two peanuts walking down the street, one of them's a salted.
What kind of rocks are on the bottom of the Mississippi River? WET rocks.
What is a plumbers favourite flower?. .. Draineeums.
What do you call a pumped-up pumpkin?. .. A jock more...
Q: What do a dildo and soy beans have in common? A: They are both substitute meats.
Chocolate, the 5th food group:
Chocolate is a vegetable: Chocolate is derived from cocoa beans.
Beans = vegetable.
Sugar is derived from either sugar CANE or sugar BEETS. Both are plants, which places them in the vegetable category. Thus, chocolate is a vegetable.
To go one step further, chocolate candy bars also contain milk, which is dairy. So candy bars are a health food.
Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.
If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.
The problem: how to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car. The solution: eat it in the parking lot.
Diet tip: eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite, and you'll eat less.
If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Don't they actually counteract each other?
Chocolate has more...
A few beans short of chili.
A few beers short of a six-pack / a six-pack short of a case.
A few birds shy of a flock.
A few blocks short of a filesystem.
A few bombs/melons short of a full load.
A few bricks short of a wall / hod / load / pile.
A few chips short of a cookie.
A few clowns short of a circus.
A few clues shy of a solution.
A few cold solder joints.
A few ears short of a bushel.
A few feathers short of a whole duck.
A few few cylinders short of a full re-format.
A few fish short of a string.
A few french fries / one hamburger short of a Happy Meal.