Beat Jokes / Recent Jokes

A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The young rooster walks over to the old rooster "Ok, old fellow its time to retire."

The old rooster says, "You can't handle all these chickens...look at what it did to me!"

The young rooster replies, "Now, don't give me a hassle about this.

Time for the old to step aside and the young to take over, so take a hike."

The old rooster says, "Aw, c'mon...just let me have the two old hens over in the corner. I won't bother you."

The young rooster says "Scram! Beat it! You're washed up! I'm taking over."

So, the old rooster says to the young rooster, "I'll tell you what young fellow. I'll have a race with you around the farm house. Whoever wins the race gets domain of the chicken coop."

The young rooster says, "You know I'm going to beat you, old man, so just to be fair more...

Ingredients:

1 cup sugar
4 large eggs
2 cups dried fruit
1 teaspoon of salt
1 cup brown sugar
1 teaspoon lemon juice
1/2 cup nuts
1 cup butter
1 BOTTLE WHISKEY

Procedure:

Sample the whiskey to check for quality. Get out a large bowl. Check the whiskey again--to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink it.

Turn on the electric mixer and beat one cup of butter in the large bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again. Make sure the whiskey is still OK. Cry another tup. Turn off the mixer. Beat two leggs and add to the bowl. Chuck in one cup of fried druit.

Mix on the turner. If fried druit gets stuck in the beatererers, pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the whiskey and check for tonsisticity. Next, sift two cups of salt or something??? Who cares? Check the whiskey again. Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Spoon. Sugar or something. more...

The New Orleans Saints beat the Minnesota Vikings 31-28, after Brett Favre retired during the final drive of the fourth quarter.

Q: Which of the following doesn't belong: wife, meat, eggs, blow job? A: The blow job. You can beat your wife, your eggs, or your meat; but you just can't beat a blow job.

Ding! Ding!
A woman's husband has died. After a few months, she decides she wants a new one. She submits a classified ad as follows:
"Widow looking for a new husband. To be considered, you must conform to these three criteria:
1 - You can't beat me (as my first husband did).
2 - You can't run around on me (as my first husband did).
3 - You MUST be good in bed (as my first husband wasn't)."
A few days later, the doorbell rings. She opens the door and a man without any arms and or legs is sitting in a wheel chair.
"Can I help you?" she says.
"I'm here about your ad in the paper."
"Which ad is that?"
"The one looking for a husband."
She says, "Uhm, well, there were certain criteria..."
"Yes, I know. Obviously, I could never beat you... I have no arms."
"Well, yes, I see that... but there were other criteria."
"And, as you can see, I more...

A man walks out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand. A cop on the beat sees him, and approaches, "Can I help you, sir?"
"Yesssh! Sssshomebody ssshtole my car!" the man replies.
The cop asks, "Where was your car the last time you saw it?"
"It wasssh at the end of thisssh key!" the man replies, logically, if a bit too literally.
About this time the cop looks down to see that the man's member is being exhibited for all the world to see.
He asks the man, "Sir, are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"
The man looks down woefully and without missing a beat, moans, "OHHH GOD... they got my girlfriend too!!!"

A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The young rooster walks over to the old rooster and says "Ok, old fellow, time to retire." The old rooster says "You can't handle all these chickens.... look at what it did to me!" The young rooster replies, "Now, don't give me a hassle about this. Time for the old to step aside and the young to take over, so take a hike." The old rooster says, "Aw, c'mon..... just let me have the two old hens over in the corner. I won't bother you." The young rooster says, "Scram! Beat it! You're washed up! I'm taking over!" So, the old rooster thinks for a minute and then says to the young rooster, "I'll tell you what, young fellow, I'll have a race with you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins the race gets domain of the chicken coop." The young rooster says, "You know I'm going to beat you, old man, just to be fair, I'm even going to give you a head more...