Beautiful Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was a lawyer and he was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful!" and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side. A couple minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said "You're cute!" Well, the wife was disappointed because instead of "beautiful" it was "cute."
She said, "What happened to 'beautiful?'"
His reply was, "The drugs are wearing off!"

On their first night to be together, the newly wed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom, all showered and wearing her beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "my dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished. "Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture." Puzzled she asks, "MY picture?" He answers, "yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever". She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "why do you wear a robe? We are married now." at that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture". He beams and asks, "why?" She answers, "SO I CAN GET IT ENLARGED"!

Axiom (n)
A self-evident or universally recognized truth; a maxim
The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings.
Nothing improves with age.
No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it, because it'll never be quite the same again.
Sex has no calories.
Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.
There is no remedy for sex but more sex.
Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.
No sex with anyone in the same office.
Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.
A man in the house is worth two in the street.
If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.
Virginity can be cured.
When a man's wife learns to understand him, she usually stops listening to him.
Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
The qualities more...

Santa Claus is making his rounds, and suddenly becomes startled by a
beautiful woman gracefully walking down the stairs in a very sheer
nightgown.
"Santa Claus, will you make love to me?" she asks seductively
Santa replies" Ho, Ho, Ho, Santa's gota go... Gota deliver toys to all the
good little girls and boys."
The lady, removing her nightgown is now in a very tight and lacy teddy
and again asks:"Santa Claus, will you make love to me?"
Santa, sweating now, gains his composure and still replies "Ho, Ho, Ho,
Santa's gota go... Gota deliver toys to all the good little girls and
boys."
The beautiful woman proceeds to take off the teddy, revealing her
worderfully formed nude body and again asks: "Santa Claus, will you make
love to me?" even more seductively
Santa, can't take it anymore and replies" Hey, hey, hey, Looks like
Santa's gotta stay...there ain't now way I'm getting more...

A very wealthy man walks into a bar and sees a beautiful
woman sitting at the bar. He walks up to her and asks her
if he can buy her a drink. She accepts and he sayes to her,
"I can't help but notice that you are exceptionally
beautiful. I am an extremely wealthly man and was wondering
if you would consider sleeping with me for one million dollars."
She thinks for a moment and replies:
"Well, yes... I accept."
The man sayes, "Would you sleep with me for ten dollars?"
She sayes, "What do you think I am, a WHORE???"
He sayes, "We've already established than, NOW, we are
negotiating the price!"

The teacher says, "Children, today I will ask each of you to come to the front of the class and use a word in a sentence. Today's word is "beautiful". Little Sally, would you please come up here and use "beautiful" in a sentence?"

Little Sally walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said - "Teacher, my mom is the most beautiful woman in the world."
Teacher says, "Very good, Little Sally, you may sit. Little Frankie, your turn."

Little Frankie walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said - "Teacher, the sunrise this morning was the most beautiful sunrise I have ever seen." Teacher says, "Very good, Little Frankie, you may sit. Little Johnny, it's your turn."

Little Johnnie walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said - "Teacher, last night my big sister told my dad that she was pregnant and he said...
' Beautiful, more...

A man decided to change his life and for a start he took up the easiest - drinking. He got so drunk with whisky and his breath had such a foul stench as if a whole herd of mammoths had spent the night in his mouth.
It felt good to be blind drunk, but the time came for him to go home and his wife was quite quick-tempered. She always knew when he was drunk even if he was three blocks away from their house and did not let him in.
This is why the drunken man decided to use his cunning and break in the house. He rang the bell for a long time and an angry voice hissed from within:
"Who is it?"
The man leaned on the door and said tenderly:
"I bring roses for the most beautiful woman in the world."
Upon hearing that his wife was so moved that decided to open the door. She opened it and took a close look at her husband. Imagine her surprise when she saw neither roses, nor hyacinths in his hands.
"Where are the roses for the most beautiful more...