Beep Jokes / Recent Jokes
Richard Nixon voice: Hi... Uh, some people say I sound like Richard Nixon... I BEG your pardon! Uh... Everyone's out right now, so I'm uh... Covering up for them. Please leave your name, number and message promptly at the beep... I don't want to get blamed for any gaps on this tape. OK machine, you can beep now... Come on you, BEEP.
A few days ago, we were trying to explain to a MS-DOS user
how the VI editor works. Here's what we come up with:
Vi is an editor with two distinguished modes:
In Edit mode you have all the capabilities of grandma's
typewriter right under your finger tips! You can make the
very same mistakes as you did with granny's typewriter
(and your possibilities to correct them are about the same).
That's why Vi was provided with a second mode, namely the
_Beep_ mode. On a vt100 terminal or compatible you can
get into Beep mode by pressing an arrow or escape function
key. In this powerful Beep mode even the more innocuous
keystroke will promptly produce a Beep sound. As an example,
arrows, return, blank spaces and most capital letters will
produce beeps in the most arbitrary places of the screen.
Just think about the whole world of possibilities that
this mode gives to you:
-Compose a monotonic symphony or rap while editing more...
Hello. This is Ron's answering machine, Marvin, and I'm so depressed. I have 50, 000 times the memory capacity of my owner, but all I get to do is answer the phone. Life. Don't talk to me about life. Just leave your name and number after the beep. Here comes the beep, how I hate that beep, it's so cheery sounding.
Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Cargo.
Cargo who?
Cargo beep! beep! Knock Knock
Who's there!
Cargo!
Cargo who?
Cargo better if you fill it with gas first!
Auto-motive: when one car has a good reason for smashing into another car.
The first car cut off the second car and this was clearly the auto-motive for the subsequent road rage and accident.