Believe Jokes / Recent Jokes
GeekonicsBy John WoestendiekPhiladelphia InquirerWed., January 8, 1997NEWS BULLETIN: Saying it will improve the education of children who have grown up immersed in computer lingo, the school board in San Jose, Calif., has officially designated computer English, or "Geekonics", as a second language. The historic vote on Geekonics -- a combination of the word "geek" and the word "phonics" -- came just weeks after the Oakland school board recognized black English, or Ebonics, as a distinct language." This entirely reconfigures our parameters," Milton "Floppy" Macintosh, chairman of Geekonics Unlimited, said after the school board became the first in the nation to recognize Geekonics." No longer are we preformatted for failure," Macintosh said during a celebration that saw many Geekonics backers come dangerously close to smiling. "Today, we are rebooting, implementing a program to process the data we need to interface with more...
A school inspector went to a school for his annual inspection to check the educational quality and standard of the grade 9 students. With out the presence of teacher he took over the class and started to check the knowledge of history. He address Nimal who was seated in the front row " Nimal, tell me who broke the bow of Rawana? (Nimal kiyannna Rawana ge dunnna kaduwe kawda kiyala").
Nimal replied " Sir, I never broke Rawana’s bow, somebody must have told a lie to you"
School inspector was frustrated to see the poor standard and the knowledge of history of these students. As an experienced educationist, he thought the students should not be blamed but the teacher. So he called the class teacher and blamed him " look here Mr Silva, I am very disappointed about some of the answers given by your students". Mr Silva, the class teacher very politely asked, can you explain me further?
The inspector explained " I have asked one of your more...
1. Your son has a remarkable ability in gathering needed information from his classmates.
(He was caught cheating on a test).2. Karen is an endless fund of energy and viability.
(The hyperactive monster can't stay seated for five minutes).3. Fantastic imagination! Unmatched in his capacity for blending fact with fiction.
(He's definitely one of the biggest liars I have ever met).4. Margie exhibits a casual, relaxed attitude to school, indicating that high expectations don't intimidate her.
(The lazy thing hasn't done one assignment all term).5. Her athletic ability is marvelous. Superior hand-eye coordination.
(The little creep stung me with a rubber band from 15 feet away).6. Nick thrives on interaction with his peers.
(Your son needs to stop socializing and start working).7. Your daughter's greatest asset is her demonstrative public discussions.
(Classroom lawyer! Why is it that every time I explain an assignment she creates a class argument).8. more...
Is there a Santa Claus? The Rebuttal
(Jim Mantle, Waterloo Maple Software)
Come on, ya gotta believe! I mean, if you can handle flying furry animals, then it's only a small step to the rest! For example: As admitted, it is possible that a flying reindeer can be found. I would agree that it would be quite an unusual find, but they might exist.
You've relied on cascading assumptions. For example, you have assumed a uniform distribution of children across homes. Toronto/Yorkville, or Toronto/Cabbagetown, or other yuppie nieghborhoods, have probably less than the average (and don't forget DINK and SINK homes (Double Income No Kids, Single Income No Kids)), while families with 748 starving children that they keep showing on Vision TV while trying to pick my pocket would skew that 15% of homes down a few percent.
You've also assumed that each home that has kids would have at least one good kid. What if anti-selection applies, and homes with good kids tend to have more more...
I believe that every right implies a responsibility; every opportunity, an obligation; every possession, a duty. (John D. Rockefeller Jr.)
YESTERDAY---------------Yesterday, All those backups seemed a waste of pay. Now my database has gone away. Oh I believe in yesterday. Suddenly, There's not half the files there used to be, And there's a milestonehanging over meThe system crashed so suddenly. I pushed something wrongWhat it was I could not say. Now all my data's goneand I long for yesterday-ay-ay-ay. Yesterday, The need for back-ups seemed so far away. I knew my data was all here to stay, Now I believe in yesterday.============================================Songs to program by... Eleanor Rigby---------------------Eleanor RigbySits at the keyboardAnd waits for a line on the screenLives in a dreamWaits for a signalFinding some codeThat will make the machine do some more. What is it for? All the lonely users, where do they all come from? All the lonely users, why does it take so long? Guru MacKenzieTyping the lines of a program that no one will run; Isn't it fun? Look at him working, Munching some chips as he waits for more...