Beside Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man was walking across the road when he had an accident. The impact was on his head which caused him to be comatose for two days before he finally regained consciousness. When he opened his eyes, his wife was there beside him. He held her hands and said meaningfully: "You have always been by my side. When I was a struggling University student, I failed again and again. And sometimes, even my re-papers as well. You were there beside me, encouraging me to go on trying..."She squeezed his hands as he continued: "When I went for all the major interviews and failed to clinch any of the jobs, you were there beside me, cutting out more adverts for me to apply...." He continued: "Then I started work at this little firm and finally got to handle a big contract. I blew it because of one little mistake. And you were there beside me." "Then I finally got another job after being laid off for some time. But I never seem to be promoted and my hard work was not more...

A man was walking across the road when he met an accident. The impact was on his head which caused him to be comatosed for two days before he finally regained consciousness. When he opened his eyes, his wife was there beside him.
He held her hands and said meaningfully: "You have always been by my side. When I was a struggling University student, I failed again and again. And sometimes, even my re-papers as well. You were there beside me, encouraging me to go on trying..."
She squeezed his hands as he continued: "When I went for all the major interviews and failed to clinch any of the jobs, you were there beside me, cutting out more adverts for me to apply...."
He continued: "Then I started work at this little firm and finally got to handle a big contract. I blew it because of one little mistake. And you were there beside me."
"Then I finally got another job after being laid off for some time. But I never seem to be promoted and my more...

A man's daughter had asked the local minister to come and pray with her father. When the minister arrived, he found the man lying in bed with his head proppped up on two pillows. An empty chair sat beside his bed. The minister assumed that the old fellow had been informed of his visit.
''I guess you were expecting me,'' he said. ''No, who are you?'' said the father. the minister told him his name and then remarked, ''I see the empty chair; I figured you knew i was going to show up.'' ''Oh yea, the chair,'' said the bed ridden man. ''Would you mind closing the door?'' Puzzled, the minister shut the door.
''I have never told anyone this not even my daughter,'' said the man, ''but all of my life i have never known how to pray. At church I used to hear the pastor talk about prayer, but it went right over my head.'' ''I abandoned any attempt at prayer,'' the old man continuted, ''until one day about four years ago my best friend said to me 'Johnny, prayer is just a simple matter of more...

The Ten Commandments
1. Thou shall not squeeze too hard on the opposite sexes genetalia
2. Thou shall not ask for a kiss, just give one or take one
3. Thou shall kiss at every given opportunity
4. If thou kissed someone, and was slapped, thou shalt not kiss her again.
5. Thou shall never bite when in the act of french kissing
6. Thou shall not pay for sexual intercourse
7. Thou shall not date members of state or Musicians
8. Thou shall not have sexual intercourse in public convieniences.
9. thou should never turn down free sexual intercourse
10. Procreate at will
Religions of the world
Taoism: Shit happens
Confucianism: Confucius say, shit happens
Hinduism: This shit has happened before
Buddhism: Shit happens, yet shit does not happen
Islam: Shit happens, is Allah wills
Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to me?
Protestantism: Let shit happen to other people
Catholicism: If shit more...

There are 3 ladies on a flight. Suddenly the pilot informed them that there was a technical problem and the plane was going to crash into the sea.
A chinese lady quickly took her cosmetics set out and started to doll herself up.
A Malay lady beside her questioned her on her actions. The chinese lady replied that if she lookod beautiful, the guys coming to rescue survivors would usually save the pretty ladies first, On hearing this, the Malay lady started to put on all her jewellery.
An Indian woman sitting beside the Malay lady was curious and questioned her.
The Malay lady said that the rescuers would save her because she would easily be identified by the glitter of her jewels.
Then the Indian woman started taking her clothes off.
Both the Chinese and Malay ladies were shocked and questioned her.The Indian woman then replied that rescue teams do not usually look for survivors. They usually look for the "Black Box" first.

A parish priest calls the Mother Superior into his office and says, "There is something I must show you. Please come into my private room and close the blinds."
"Father!" exclaims the shocked Mother Superior. "What did you say?"
"What I said was... " the priest begins.
"I heard what you said... I just can't believe you're saying it," interrupts the Mother Superior.
"Well, I really need you to come in," the priest says. Curious now, she does as he asks.
"Here now, sit on the bed beside me," he says.
"I must get out of here," the nun replies.
"Aren't you the least bit curious?" asks the priest. She is, so she cautiously sits down beside him.
"Now get under the covers," instructs the priest.
"I can't do that!" she replies.
"But it doesn't work otherwise," the priest says. After much coaxing, she gets under the covers with more...

A parish priest calls the Mother Superior into his office and says, "There is something I must show you. Please come into my private room and close the blinds."
"Father!" exclaims the shocked Mother Superior. "What did you say?"
"What I said was... " the priest begins.
"I heard what you said... I just can't believe you're saying it," interrupts the Mother Superior.
"Well, I really need you to come in," the priest says. Curious now, she does as he asks.
"Here now, sit on the bed beside me," he says.
"I must get out of here," the nun replies.
"Aren't you the least bit curious," asks the priest. She is, so she cautiously sits down beside him.
"Now get under the covers," instructs the priest.
"I can't do that!" she replies.
"But it doesn't work otherwise," the priest says. After much coaxing, she gets under the covers with more...