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Notes from an inexperienced chili tester named Frank, who was visiting Texas from the east coast:
Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The regular judge called in sick at the last minute and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the two other judges (native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, they told me I could have all the free beer I wanted during the chili tasting, so I accepted.
Here are the scorecards from the event:
CHILI #1: MIKE'S MANIAC MOBSTER MONSTER CHILI
Judge #1: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge #2: Nice, smooth flavor. Very mild.
Frank: Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me 3 beers to put the flames out. I hope this is the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
CHILI #2: ARTHUR'S AFTERBURNER CHILI
Judge #1: Smoky, with more...

Once Moroon Was Giving Test Besides The Door. Teacher Asked Teacher: Why Are You Standing Besides The Door And Giving Test. Morron: Because Mam You Said That It Was An Entrance Test.

The 5 Levels of Drinking
Level 1:
It's 11:00 on a weeknight, you've had a few beers. You get up to leave because you have
work the next day and one of your friends buys another round. One of your unemployed
friends. Here at level I you think to yourself, "Oh come on, this is silly. Why, as long as I
get seven hours of sleep (snap fingers), I'm cool."
Level 2:
It's midnight. You've had a few more beers. You've just spent 20 minutes arguing against
artificial tuff. You get up to leave again, but at level
2, a little devil appears on your shoulder. And now you're thinking, "Hey! I'm out with
my friends! What am I working for anyway? These are the good times! Besides, as long
as I get five hours sleep (snaps fingers), I'm
COOl."
Level 3:
One in the morning. You've abandoned beer for tequila. You've just spent 20 minutes
arguing for artificial tuff. And now you're thinking, "Our waitress is the most more...

One day in the great forest a magical frog was walking down to a
water hole. This forest was so big that the frog had never seen
another animal in all his life. By chance today a bear was
chasing after a rabbit to have for dinner.

The frog called for the two to stop. The frog said, "Because you
are the only two animals I have seen, I will grant you both
three wishes. Bear, you go first." The bear thought for a
minute, and being the male he was, said, "I wish for all the
bears in this forest, besides me, to be female."

For his wish, the rabbit asked for a crash helmet, and
immediately put it on. The bear was amazed at the stupidity of
the rabbit, wasting his wish like that.

It was the bear`s second turn for a wish. "Well, I wish that all
the bears in the next forest were female as well."

The rabbit asked for a motorcycle and immediately hopped on it
and more...

LEVEL 1: It’s 11: 00 on a weeknight, you’ve had a few beers. You get up to leave because you have work the next day and one of your friends buys another round. One of your UNEMPLOYED friends. Here at level one you think to yourself, “Oh come on, this is silly, why as long as I get seven hours of sleep (snap fingers), I’m cool. ”
LEVEL 2: It’s midnight. You’ve had a few more beers. You’ve just spent 20 minutes arguing against artificial turf. You get up to leave again, but at level two, a little devil appears on your shoulder. And now you’re thinking, “Hey! I’m out with my friends! What am I working for anyway? These are the good times! Besides, as long as I get five hours sleep (snaps fingers) I’m cool. ”
LEVEL 3: One in the morning. You’ve abandoned beer for tequila. You’ve just spent 20 minutes arguing FOR artificial turf. And now you’re thinking, “Our waitress is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen! ” At level three, you love the more...