Besides Jokes / Recent Jokes

One summer, on a Friday afternoon, a young man was being trained by his supervisor on his first day as a salesperson at a large department store. His supervisor was trying to show him the amount of things he could sell to customers by making them feel they needed the items. "Watch this," he said and approached a man who has just entered the store. "May I help you, sir?"
The man replied, "I just moved into my first house and I need some fertiliser for my lawn."
So the supervisor said, "Well, we have five- and ten-pound bags of fertiliser. I recommend you go with the ten pound bag."
"Why is that?"
"The ten-pound bag will get you through most of the summer, but the five-pound bag won't," the supervisor answered.
"Fine," the man agreed, "I'll take the ten-pounder." "Very good sir. And would you like the stiff rake or the spring-rake with that?"
"Rake? What do I need that more...

There is absolutely NO way Santa is female. Here's why:First, Christmas would be late every year. The line at the department store would never move because Santa would feel the need to "bond" with every kid that sat on her lap. The elves would never get any toys made because they'd be too busy telling her, "No Santa, those red pants do not make you look fat."What woman would be caught dead in a chimney? Gosh, she might break a nail in there. Also, men don't care if they would get covered with ashes and soot while sliding down the chimney.And what about Santa's beard? I'm sure you'll agree that most women look significantly better without facial hair. Besides, she-Santa would not go out without makeup.If Santa was female, she sure wouldn't have white hair. And she would never wear a hat because it would mess up her hair.The tradition is for cookies and milk to be left for Santa on Christmas Eve. If Santa were a woman, the tradition would be chocolates and more...

One day a duck walked into a QuickTrip and said to the clerk, "Hey, got any grapes?"

The clerk said, " This is a gas station, we don't sell grapes. If you want grapes go to the grocery store. And besides you're a duck, so get out!"

The next day the duck walked in the same store and the same clerk was on duty. The duck said, "Hey, got any grapes?"

The clerk said, "What did I tell you yesterday? This is a gas station, we don't sell grapes. If you want grapes go to the grocery store. And besides you're a duck, so get out!

The next day the duck walked in again and the same clerk was on duty. The duck said, "Hey got any..." The clerk grabbed his bill before he could get it all out. Then the clerk said, "If you ask that question one more time I'll nail your beak to this counter!"

The duck said, "Got any nails?"

The clerk said, "No."

Then the more...

There is absolutely NO way Santa is female. Here's why: First, Christmas would be late every year. The line at the department store would never move because Santa would feel the need to "bond" with every kid that sat on her lap. The elves would never get any toys made because they'd be too busy telling her, "No Santa, those red pants do not make you look fat." What woman would be caught dead in a chimney? Gosh, she might break a nail in there. Also, men don't care if they would get covered with ashes and soot while sliding down the chimney. And what about Santa's beard? I'm sure you'll agree that most women look significantly better without facial hair. Besides, she-Santa would not go out without makeup. If Santa was female, she sure wouldn't have white hair. And she would never wear a hat because it would mess up her hair. The tradition is for cookies and milk to be left for Santa on Christmas Eve. If Santa were a woman, the tradition would be chocolates and more...

There is absolutely NO way Santa is female. Here's why:
First, Christmas would be late every year. The line at the department store would never move because Santa would feel the need to "bond" with every kid that sat on her lap. The elves would never get any toys made because they'd be too busy telling her, "No Santa, those red pants do not make you look fat."
What woman would be caught dead in a chimney? Gosh, she might break a nail in there. Also, men don't care if they would get covered with ashes and soot while sliding down the chimney.
And what about Santa's beard? I'm sure you'll agree that most women look significantly better without facial hair. Besides, she-Santa would not go out without makeup.
If Santa was female, she sure wouldn't have white hair. And she would never wear a hat because it would mess up her hair.
The tradition is for cookies and milk to be left for Santa on Christmas Eve. If Santa were a woman, the tradition more...

Why are men such jerks?
It's a testosterone thing. Much similar to your PMS thing, we men suffer from testosterone poisoning. Why do you think the average lifespan of a male is typically 10 years shorter (and it's not just from all the bitching and nagging we have to endure)? Hormone modifies behavior. We're just misunderstood. Why do men always have to ogle at other women?
Again, this is a testosterone thing. Do you honestly think that all the testosterone just fell out of our bodies the moment we met you? Besides, women do it as well. Women are just much better at not getting caught. I'm fairly certain it's some sort of photographic memory deal. Women take one quick look and memorize it for later reference. Since men lack this ability, we try to burn it into our memory by staring as much as we can. Why do men always touch themselves, especially in public?
We occasionally need to adjust our little friend and make him happy. It's much like adjusting your bra. Being in more...

One day in the great forest a magical frog was walking down to a
water hole. This forest was so big that the frog had never seen
another animal in all his life. By chance today a bear was
chasing after a rabbit to have for dinner.
The frog called for the two to stop. The frog said, "Because you
are the only two animals I have seen, I will grant you both
three wishes. Bear, you go first." The bear thought for a
minute, and being the male he was, said, "I wish for all the
bears in this forest, besides me, to be female."
For his wish, the rabbit asked for a crash helmet, and
immediately put it on. The bear was amazed at the stupidity of
the rabbit, wasting his wish like that.
It was the bear's second turn for a wish. "Well, I wish that all
the bears in the next forest were female as well."
The rabbit asked for a motorcycle and immediately hopped on it
and gunned the engine. The bear was shocked that more...