Best Jokes / Recent Jokes
Competition brings out the best in products and the worst in people.
You Know You're From Westchester When...
You go to a Dave Matthews Band concert and end up running into people you know from your school.
Half the people in your school mysteriously develop inner-Queens accents during 7th and 8th grade.
Starbucks is a regular stop for you.
You say Abercrombie & Fitch makes you want to puke, yet you sport at least one outfit from the store each week
NYU is your top choice for college.
If you go to Catholic school, you know everyone at all the Catholic schools in Westchester.
If you go to public school you still manage to know everyone at all the Catholic schools in Westchester.
Below 1400 is a "so-so" SAT score
You claim to hate your school, but you go to all the dances and play at least one varsity sport anyway.
Even though your best friend lives a stone's throw away, you have most of your conversations with him/her on AOL or AIM.
You know you have to act tough when going to The Galleria, or else more...
A Russian is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a bottle laying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes a Genie. The Russian is stunned and the Genie says, "Hello master, I will grant you one wish, anything you want." The Russian begins thinking, "Well, I really like drinking vodka." Finally the Russian says, "I wish to drink vodka whenever I want, so make me piss vodka." The Genie grants him his wish. When the Russian gets home he gets a glass out of the cupboard and pisses in it. He looks and the glass and it's clear. Looks like vodka. Then he smells the liquid. Smells like vodka. So he takes a taste and it is the best vodka he has ever tasted. The Russian yells to his wife, "Natasha, Natasha, come quickly!" She comes running down the hall and the Russian takes another glass out of the cupboard and pisses into it. He tells her to drink, it is vodka Natasha is reluctant but goes ahead and takes a sip. It is the best vodka she more...
...and ordered a triple scotch. As the bartender poured
the drink he remarked, "That's quite a heavy drink.
What's wrong?" After quickly downing his drink, the
man replies "I got home and found my wife in bed with
my best friend." "Wow" exclaimed the bartender, as he
poured the man a second triple. "No wonder you need
a stiff drink. The second triple is on the house."
As the man downed his second drink, the bartender asks
him "What did you do?" "I walked over to my wife" the
man replies, "looked her straight in the eye and told
her that we were through and to pack her stuff and get
the hell out." "That makes sense." said the bartender,
"but what about your best friend?" The man replied,
"I walked over to him, looked him right in the eye and
said "BAD DOG!"
How did the blonde try to kill the bird... she threw it off of a cliff. How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves... she fell out of the tree. How did the blonde die, drinking milk... the cow stepped on her. How did the blonde burn her nose... bobbing for french fries. Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month... the instructions stated, "good for up to 20 pounds". Why do blondes have see-through lunch box tops... so they can tell if they are going to work or going home, while on the bus. Why do men like blonde jokes... it is one thing they can understand. Why do blondes like lightning... they think someone is taking their picture. Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces... from eating with forks. Why do blondes have more fun... they are easier to keep amused. What do you call a brunette with a blonde on both sides... an interpreter. What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer... frosted flakes. What do you call a fly buzzing inside a more...
Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on:
The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."
The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded."
The third surgeon says, "No, I really think file clerks are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order."
The fourth surgeon chimes in with, "You know, I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end and when the job takes longer than you said it would."
Five surgeons discuss who are the best patients to operate on.
"I like to see accountants on my operating table," The first surgeon says, "When you open them up, everything inside is neatly numbered.""Yeah," The second surgeon agrees, "But you should try electricians- everything inside them is colour coded.""No, I think librarians are the best," Says another, "Everything inside is in alphabetical order.""Well," The fourth says, "I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would.""I think you are all wrong!" The last surgeon says, "The easiest patients to operate on, by far, are politicians- they have no guts, no brain, no heart and no spine!"