Bet Jokes / Recent Jokes
10 Things Not to Say to a GirlFriend's Parents The First Time You Meet Them1. My parole officer thinks Teri has a calming effect on me. 2. Did you see that saucer that flew over town yesterday? 3. Which one of you taught Monica to give such great head? 4. Can you believe it those shitheads at the corner market won't cash my welfare check! 5. We're going to keep our relationship quiet for now, my wife can be rather vindictive at times. 6. Those home pregnancy kits aren't very reliable in my opinion. 7. Angie is so pretty I've decided to give up being bisexual just for her. 8. Nice place you've got here, that painting looks expensive, I bet a nice home like this came with a safe already built in, didn't it? 9. There ain't nothing that beats that great feeling of knowing your HIV test results are negative! I bet Monica's will be okay too. 10. Can I put my car in your garage? I'm not sure how long that cop car will stay lost...
A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day carrying a bag of money. She insists that she must speak with the President of the bank to open a savings account because it's a lot of money.
They finally get her into the presidents office and he asks her how much she would like to deposit. She says she has $165, 000 and then dumps it out of the bag onto his desk. The president was surprised and of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asks her. The old lad says, "I make bets".
The president replies, "Bets? What kind of bets?" and she says, "for example, I'll bet you $25, 000 that your balls are square". "Ha!" says the president, "That's a stupid bet, you can never win that kind of bet".
The old lady says,"So, would you like to take my bet?" "Sure," says the president, "I'll bet $25, 000 that my balls are not square!" The little old lady says more...
Two lawyers, Jon and Chuck, head out for their usual 9 holes of golf. Jon offers Chuck a bet. “Let's say we bet $50. ”
Chuck agrees and they're off.
After the 8th hole, Chuck is ahead by one stroke, but cuts his ball into the rough on the 9th. “Help me find my ball. Look over there, ” he said to Jon.
After a few minutes, neither have any luck and a lost ball carries a four-point
penalty, Chuck pulls a ball from his pocket and tosses it to the ground. “I've found my
ball!!! ” he announces.
Jon looks at him. “After all of the years we've been partners and playing together, you'd cheat me out of a lousy 50 bucks? ”
“What do you mean, cheat? I found my ball sitting right there! ”
“And you're a liar, too! ” Jon said. “I’ll have you know I've been STANDING on
your ball for the last five minutes! ”
Seeing Santa Singh depressed one of his friends asks him.
“Oye why are you sad? ”
To which Santa replies …“I lost Rs 300 in bet. ”
His friend ask hims…“How? ”
Santa Singh says.. “I bet on India for Rs 200…”But unfortunately India lost
His friend queries.. “But you said Rs 300…”
Santa Singh answers…“I again bet for India for Rs 100 in the highlights of the match”
I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it.
A man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep. Stopping to rest, he tells the shepherd, "I will bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock." The shepherd thinks it over. It's a big flock, so he takes the bet. The man looks around and answers, "869." The shepherd is astonished, because that is exactly right. The shepherd says, "Okay, I'm a man of my word, take an animal." The man picks one up and begins to walk away." Wait," cries the shepherd, "let me have a chance to get even. Double or nothing that I can guess your exact occupation." The man agrees." You are an accountant for the government," says the shepherd." Amazing!" responds the man. "You are exactly right! But tell me, how did you deduce that?" "Well," says the shepherd, "put down my dog and I will tell you."