Bets Jokes / Recent Jokes

Stage 1 - SMART
This is when you suddenly become an expert on every
subject in the known Universe. You know you know
everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone
who will listen. At this stage you are always RIGHT. And of
course the person you are talking to is very WRONG. This
makes for an interesting argument when both parties are
SMART.
Stage 2 - GOOD LOOKING
This is when you realise that you are the BEST LOOKING
person in the entire bar and that people fancy you. You
can go up to a perfect stranger knowing they fancy you
and really want to talk to you.
Bear in mind that you are still SMART, so you can talk to
this person about any subject under the sun.
Stage 3 - RICH
This is when you suddenly become the richest person in
the world. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because
you have an armoured truck full of money parked behind
the bar. You can also make bets at this stage, because more...

A little old lady went into a Bank one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It`s a lot of money!"
After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president`s office. The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$165, 000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk.
The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma`am, I`m surprised you`re carrying so much cash around. Where did you get this money?"
The old lady replied, "I make bets."
The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?"The old woman said, "Well, for example, I`ll bet you $25, 000 that your balls are square."
"Ha!" laughed the president, "That`s a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!"
The old more...

Sam and Abe, now in their eighties, first met in grade school. Their relationship now is playing cards, playing jokes and making bets. One day Sam calls Abe and says, "I bet you that mine is longer soft than yours is hard. A thousand dollars..." Abe replies, "How can that be? If you know anything about biology you...." Sam interrupts, "I called for a bet, not a lecture. Mine is longer soft than yours is hard. A thousand dollars... YES OR NO?" Abe says, "OK, OK. I'll take that bet. How long is yours soft?" Sam answers, "Eleven years!"

A little old Indian woman went into Republic National Bank with a sack full of money. She plopped it onto the desk of the Bank president as she had wrangled her way into his office. He was an Indian man."Where did you get money like this?" he asked her."Well, you see." She answered him. "I make bets.""Bets?" He wanted to know."Yes." She replied. "For instance, I'll bet you 25,000. you are not brown all over. I bet that under your shorts you are white.""The Indian president of the Bank told her, "Well, I will take that bet." "I am brown all over.""Okay," the wily old lady agreed. "However, tomorrow when we close the bet, I want my attorney with me. He is Indian too."Okay! Okay." The president of the bank was agreeable. When he went home though he double checked to see if he was brown all over. After all 25,000. was at stake.The next day when the little old Indian lady came in more...

A little old lady goes into the Chase Manhattan Bank, and says she wants to open a savings account. The accounts person asks her how much she would like to deposit to open the account and the little old lady says, "Three million dollars." The accounts person is startled, and says, "In what form?" and the little old lady says, "Cash. I've got it here in this bag..." and the accounts person looks and, sure enough, the lady has a big grocery bag just chock full of green stuff with big denominations. This is a highly unusual event, and the accounts person excuses herself to get the president of the bank to handle this one. He arrives, and escorts the little old lady to his office to handle it personally. Once in his office, he asks the little old lady where she got so much money. She says, "Gambling." "Gambling?", he says. "What sort of gambling?" "Oh, I make bets with people on all sorts of things, and I usually win. For more...

NATIONAL CURE FOR DIARRHEA:
Pil' ChiKit' Teck Aun The miracle cure! It works. Ten minutes and you're "dried" up. Always pack some of this stuff when you're traveling. NATIONAL CAUSE OF CONSTIPATION:
Pil' ChiKit' Teck Aun The pills are so tiny it's easy to swallow an extra mouthful and overdose on it. No one can help you here. NATIONAL CURE FOR "HEATINESS":
Eno, Leng Chee Kang, Chinese Herbal Tea, Tonic Water, Barley Drink, Chin Chau. NATIONAL PASTIME ON WEEKENDS:
Queuing up patiently at Magnum 4D shops This is very strange. On week days you'll find the same people jumping queues, elbowing the next guy at the bus stops, train stations etc. THEORY & REALITY. The probability of you winning the first prize at a 4D game is 10000 to 1. Hard to comprehend? Imagine you're at the Merdeka Stadium and you're standing on the field facing the grandstand. There are only 10000 spectators and you have lost your car keys. One of these guys in the crowd have more...