Betty Jokes / Recent Jokes

Johnny (age 8) comes into the house for dinner after playing outside all afternoon. His parents ask him what he did today. He says that he played baseball and then he proposed to Betty (age 7) the next door neighbor. They are going to get married.His parents think this is cute, and they don't want to make fun of Johnny so they ask Johnny."How are you and Betty going to pay for the expenses of being married?"He replies "Well with the $1 I get each week from you and the $1 she gets from her Mom and Dad, we should do o.k." His father says "That's fine, but how will you pay the extra expenses if you and Betty have a baby?"Johnny answers "Well, so far, we've been lucky..."

A farmer had three beautiful daughters and all of them had dates on Friday night. One by one the local boys came by to pick them up.
The first boy arrived and said, "Hi, I'm Eddie, I'm here to pick up Betty, we're going steady, is she ready?"
The farmer called Betty and she and Eddie went on their way.
The second boy arrived and said, "Hi, I'm Moe, I'm here to pick up Flo, we're going to the show, is she ready to go?"
The farmer called Flo and she and Moe went on their way.
The third boy arrived in an old, beat up pick-up, came to the door and said, "Hi, I'm Chuck"
The farmer shot him.

A woman could never get her husband to do anything around the house. He would come home from work, sit in front of the TV, eat dinner, and sit some more - would never do those little household repairs that most husbands take care of. This frustrated the woman quite a bit. One day the toilet stopped up. When her husband got home, she said sweetly, 'Honey, the toilet is clogged. Would you look at it?' Her husband snarled, 'What do I look like? The tidy-bowl man?' and sat down on the sofa.
The next day, the garbage disposal wouldn't work. When her husband got home, she said, very nicely, 'Honey, the disposal won't work. Would you try to fix it for me?' Once again, he growled, 'What do I look like? Mr. Plumber?'
The next day, the washing machine was on the blink. When her husband got home, she steeled her courage and said, 'Honey, the washer isn't running. Would you check on it?' And again was met with a snarl, 'What do I look like? The Maytag repairman?'
Finally, she had had more...

Today is my 49th birthday, & I wasn't feeling too hot this morning anyway. I
went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant & say "Happy Birthday," &
probably have a present for me. She didn't even say "Good Morning," let alone
any "Happy Birthday".
I thought, "Well, that's wives for you. The children will remember" The children
came in to breakfast & didn't say a word. When I started to the office I was
feeling pretty low & despondent.
As I walked into my office, my secretary, Betty said,"Good Morning Boss, Happy
Birthday"
And I felt a little better someone had remembered! I worked until noon. Then,
Betty knocked on my door & said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside &
it's your birthday, let's go to lunch, just you & me". I said, "By George,
that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go."
We went to lunch. We didn't go where we more...

There were 2 old-maid sisters... both virgins. It's Friday night and Gladys looks at Betty and says, "I'm not going to die a virgin... I'm going out and I'm not coming home' til I've been laid!!"

Betty says, "Well, make sure you're home by 10 so I don't worry about you."

10 o'clock rolls around and there's no sign of Gladys... 11 o'clock... 12 o'clock... Finally about 15 after 1:00 AM the front door flies open. In runs Gladys... straight to the bathroom. Betty goes and knocks on the door, "Are you okay, Gladys?"

No answer, so she opens the door and there sits Gladys with her panties around her ankles, legs spread, and her head stuck between her legs looking at herself.

"What is it, Gladys? What's wrong?" asks Betty.

"Betty, it was 8 inches long when it went in... and 4 when it came out. When I find the other half you're gonna have the time of your life!!!"

Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were vacationing in Europe, as it happens, near Transylvania. They were driving in a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It was late, and raining very hard. Bob could barely see 20 feet in front of the car.

Suddenly the car skids out of control! Bob attempts to control the car, but to no avail! The car swerves and smashes into a tree. Moments later, Bob shakes his head to clear the fog. Dazed, he looks over at the passenger seat and sees his wife unconscious, with her head bleeding! Despite the rain and unfamiliar countryside, Bob knows he has to carry her to the nearest phone.

Bob carefully picks his wife up and begins trudging down the road. After a short while, he sees a light. He heads towards the light, which is coming from an old, large house. He approaches the door and knocks. A minute passes. A small, hunched man opens the door. Bob immediately blurts, "Hello, my name is Bob Hill, and this is my wife Betty. more...

Jack and Betty are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.
"Betty, I was wondering - have you ever cheated on me?"
"Oh Jack, why would you ask such a question now? You don't want to ask that question..."
"Yes, Betty, I really want to know. Please."
"Well, all right. Yes, 3 times."
"Three? When were they?"
"Well, Jack, remember when you were 35 years old and you really wanted to start the business on your own and no bank would give you a loan? Remember how one day the bank president himself came over to the house and signed the loan papers, no questions asked?"
"Oh, Betty, you did that for me! I respect you even more than ever, that you would do such a thing for me! So, when was number 2?"
"Well, Jack, remember when you had that last heart attack and you were needing that very tricky operation, and no surgeon would touch you? Remember how Dr. DeBakey came all the way up here, more...