Bible Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Sunday School teacher asked little Willie who the first man in the Bible was."Hoss." said Willie."Wrong," said the teacher. "It was Adam.""Aw, shucks!" Willie replied. "I knew it was one of those Cartwrights."

There was a little old lady who was nearly blind, and she had three sons who wanted to prove which one was the best to her.

The first son bought her a 15-room mansion, thinking this would surely be the best that any of them could offer her.

Her second son bought her a beautiful Mercedes with a chauffeur included, thinking this would surely win her approval.

Her youngest son had to do something even better, so he bought her a parrot that he had been training for 15 years to memorize the entire Bible. You could ask the parrot any verse in the Bible, and he could quote it word for word. What a gift that would be.

Well, the old lady went to the first son and said, "Son, the house is just gorgeous, but it's really much too big for me. I only live in one room, and it's too large to clean and take care of. I really don't need the house, but thank you anyway."

Then she confronted her second son with, "Son, the car is more...

Ending his sermon, a preacher announced that he would preach on Noah and the Ark on the following Sunday, and gave the scriptural reference for the congregation to read ahead of time.A couple of boys noticed something interesting about the placement of the story in the Bible. They slipped into the church and glued two pages of the pulpit Bible together.The next Sunday, the preacher got up to read his text. "Noah took unto himself a wife," he began, "and she was" - he turned the page to continue - "three hundred cubits long,
fifty wide and thirty high."

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, he looked at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible and he picked up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between pages."Mommy, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boys voice he answered: "Its Adams clothes!!!!!"

When the preacher's car broke down on a country road, he walked to a nearby roadhouse to use the phone. After calling for a tow truck, he spotted his old friend, Harry, drunk and shabbily dressed at the bar. "What happened to you, Harry?" asked the good reverend. "You used to be rich."

Harry told a sad tale of bad investments that had led to his downfall. "Go home,"

the preacher said. "Open your Bible at random, stick your finger on the page, and there will be God's answer." Some time later, the preacher bumped into Harry, who was wearing a Gucci suit, sporting a Rolex watch, and had just stepped out of a Mercedes.

"Harry," said the preacher, "I am glad to see things have really turned around for you."

"Yes, preacher, and I owe it all to you," said Harry.

"I opened my Bible, put my finger down on the page and there was the answer. . Chapter 11."

How the Bible would have been different if written by college students: Loaves and Fishes replaced by Pizza and ChipsTen Commandments are actually only five, but because they are double-spaced and written in a large font, they look like ten. Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn't dorm food. Paul's Letters to the Romans become Paul's E-Mail to the Romans. Reason Cain killed Abel: They were roommates. The place where the end of the world occurs, not the Plains of Armageddon, rather Finals. Tower of Babel blamed for Foreign Language requirement. Reason why Moses and followers walked in desert for 40 years: They didn't want to ask directions and look like a Freshman. Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, He would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter and hoped no one noticed.

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, he looked at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible and he picked up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that had been pressed in between pages. "Mommy, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy's voice he answered: "It's Adam's clothes!!!!!"