Bible Jokes / Recent Jokes

Seems there were these three professionals sitting around talking about the oldest profession (not THAT one!).
The Doctor says, "Well, the Bible says that God took a rib out of Adam to make woman. Since that clearly required surgery, then the oldest profession is surely medicine."
The Engineer shakes his head and replies, "No, no. The Bible also says that God created the world out of void and chaos. To do that, God must surely have been an engineer. Therefore, Engineering is the oldest profession."
The Lawyer smiles smugly and leans discreetly forward. "Ah," he says, "but who do you think created the Chaos?"

Answers Given By Students To Test Questions On The Bible: The first book of the Bible is Guinessis. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterward, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments. The Fifth Commandment is humor thy mother and father. (I used this one alot when I was a kid... wait... I still do!)The Seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery. (Used by Bill Clinton... Monica who?)Moses died before he ever reached the UK. (Lucky for him that is.)Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol. (What... they launch their Depends at' em?)The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still, and he obeyed him. David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. King David fought with the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in the Biblical times. (and still alive and residing in Hackensack, N. J.)Solomon had 300 more...

A Jewish businessman was in a great deal of trouble. His business was failing, he had put everything he had into the business, he owed everybody it was so bad he was even contemplating suicide. As a last resort he went to a Rabbi and poured out his story of tears and woe.

When he had finished, the Rabbi said, "Here's what I want you to do: Put a beach chair and your Bible in your car and drive down to the beach. Take the beach chair and the Bible to the water's edge, sit down in the beach chair, and put the Bible in your lap. Open the Bible; the wind will rifle the pages, but finally the open Bible will come to rest on a page. Look down at the page and read the first thing you see. That will be your answer, that will tell you what to do."

A year later the businessman went back to the Rabbi and brought his wife and children with him. The man was in a new custom-tailored suit, his wife in a mink coat, the children shining. The businessman pulled an more...

A Sunday school teacher asked her class, "What was Jesus' Mother's name?"One child answered, "Mary."The teacher then asked, "Who knows what Jesus' Father's name was?"Another child said, "The Verge."Confused, the teacher asked, "Where did you get that?"The little one said, "Well, you know they are always talking about The Verge' n' Mary."

A business man was in a great deal of trouble. He had put everything he had into his business and it was failing miserably. He owed everyone. It was so bad that he was even contemplating suicide. As a last resort he went to see a priest and poured out his story of tears and woe.
When he had finished, the priest said, "This is what I want you to do: Put a beach chair and your Bible in your car and drive down to the beach. Take the beach chair and the Bible to the water's edge, sit down in the chair and place the Bible on your lap. Open the Bible; the wind will rifle the pages, but finally the open Bible will come to rest on a page. Look down at the page and read the very first thing you see. That will be your answer, that will tell you what to do."
A year later the businessman returned to the priest and brought his wife and children with him. The man was dressed in a new custom-tailored suit, his wife in a gorgeous mink coat, the children shining. The businessman more...

The first book of the Bible is Guiness, in which Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day and a ball of fire by night. The Jews had trouble throughout their history with the unsympathetic Genitals. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the apolstles. Unleavened bread is bread made without ingredients. Moses went to the top of Mt. Cyanide to get the 10 commandments. The seventh commandment is "thou shalt not admit adultery"Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol. David fought with the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. Solomon had 300 wives and 700 porcupines. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption. The people who followed Jesus was called the 12 decibles. The epistles were the wives of the apostles. One of the opposums was St. Matthew. Paul preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage. A Christian should have only one wife. more...

there was a boy who came to his dad and said.
boy;dad you know im doing to celebrate my 25th birth day.
dad;yes my son what is that you want?
boy;i want you to buy me a new car.
dad;me and your mom have been thinking about it for long, i will buy you the car, but with condition.
boy;what is it dad?
dad;i wont you to studie hard like others, i want you to read your bible always and i want you to cut down your hair.
boy;that is cool dad.(about three weeks latter the boy came back to his dad)
dad;haha, son your mom told me that you are now doing good in anyway, but still you didnot cut down your hair, why?
boy;the bible says that both jesus and moses have long hair, if long hair is good for them then i think long hair is good for me too.
dad;hahaha, you didnot read your bible well, why coz if you read your bible well you should have known that both moses and jesus walk to where ever they want to.