Bible Jokes / Recent Jokes

A ten-year old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming quite knowledgeable about the Bible. Then one day she floored her grandmother by asking, "Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus? The Virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?"
A Sunday school teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping!"
A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that has been pressed in between the pages."Momma, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy's voice he answered, "It's Adam's suit!!"

One day a woman went to her pastor and asked, "Pastor there are some things in life that aren't addressed in the Bible; how are we supposed to deal with them.
The Pastor responded, "There are no such things, give me an example of what you are talking about".
The woman responded, "PMS is not in the Bible". So the Pastor thought and told the woman to call back in the morning and he would have the answer.
The woman called the next morning and asked if the Pastor had an answer about PMS in the Bible.
The Pastor replied, "Yes, it's the part where Mary rides Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem!!!".

One day a woman went to her pastor and asked, "Pastor there are some things in life that aren't addressed in the Bible; how are we supposed to deal with them.The Pastor responded, "There are no such things, give me an example of what you are talking about".The woman responded, "PMS is not in the Bible". So the Pastor thought and told the woman to call back in the morning and he would have the answer.The woman called the next morning and asked if the Pastor had an answer about PMS in the Bible.The Pastor replied, "Yes, it's the part where Mary rides Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem!!!".

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.

The first said, "I built a big house for our mother."

The second said," I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."

The third smiled and said, "I've got you, both beat. You know how Mom enjoys the Bible, and you know she can't see very well. I sent her a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took 20 monks in a monastery 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100, 000. 00 a year for 10 years, but it was worth it. Mom just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot will recite it."

Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks:

"Milton," she wrote the first son, "The house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."

"Marvin," she wrote to more...

A father was reading Bible stories to his young son.He read, "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned into a pillar of salt."The son asked, "What happened to the flea?"

A woman had to do a lot of long distance travelling for her business. Having a strong fear of flying, she always made it a point to take her Bible along to read as she found it helped to relax her.
One day she found herself seated next to a man who gave a little chuckle when he saw her pull out her Bible and begin reading. After a while he turned to her and asked, "You don't actually believe all the stuff you read in there, do you?" "Yes, of course. It's the Bible," she replied.
"Then what about that guy that was swallowed by that whale?" the man asked. "You mean Jonah. Yes, I believe that. It's in the Bible," she answered.
"So, how do you suppose he was able to survive all that time inside the whale?" asked the man. "I'm really not sure. I suppose when I get to heaven, I'll ask him," was her reply.
"And, if he's not in heaven?" asked the man, sarcastically.
"Then, you can ask him!" the more...

Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married? A. RuthlessQ. What do they call pastors in Germany? A. German Shepherds. Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible? A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation. Q. What was the greatest female financier in the Bible? A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet. Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible? A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. David's Triumph was heard throughout the land. Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord. Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible? A. Samson. He brought the house down. Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden? A. Your mother ate us out of house and home. Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible? A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once. Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy? A. The area more...