Biologist Jokes / Recent Jokes
A biology graduate student went to Borneo to take some samples for his
thesis work. He flew there, found a guide with a canoe to take him up the
river to the remote site he where he would make his collections. About noon
on the second day of travel up the river they began to hear drums. Being a
city boy by nature, the biologist was disturbed by this. He asked the guide,
"What are those drums?" The guide turned to him and said, "Drums OK, but
VERY BAD when they stop."
Well the biologist settled down a little at this, and things went
reasonably well for about two weeks. Then, just as they were
packing up the camp to leave, the drums suddenly stopped! This hit the
biologist like a ton of bricks (to coin a phrase), and he yelled at the guide,
"The Drums have stopped, What happens now?"
The guide crouched down, covered his head with his hands and said:
"Bass Solo"
While driving down a steep and curvy logging road, a group of biologists loose control of their 4-wd "Jimmy" and careen down the hill. The truck piles up at the bottom of the canyon, and everyone aboard perishes. Suprisingly, they all go to heaven. At an orientation they are asked, "When you are in your casket and your friends and family are mourning about your death, what would you like to hear them say about you?" The first guy, a well known botanist says, "I would like to hear them say that I was one of the greatest botanists of my time, and left an eternal contribution to the botanical world." The second guy, an ornithologist, says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful birder and made a huge difference in the recovery of our bird populations." The last guy, a scruffy mammalogist, replies, "I would like to hear them say...' LOOK, HE'S MOVING!!!' "
A Mathematician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in a street cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side of the street. First they see two people going into the house. Time passes. After a while they notice three persons coming out of the house. The Physicist says: "The measurement wasn't accurate." The Biologist concludes: "They have reproduced." The Mathematician says: "Now if another person enters the house, it'll be empty again!"
A young college student had stayed up all night studying for his zoology test the next day. As he entered the classroom, he saw ten stands with ten birds on them with a sack over each bird and only the legs showing. He sat right on the front row because he wanted to do the best job possible. The professor announced that the test would be to look at each set of bird legs and give the common name, habitat, genus, species, etc. The student looked at each set of bird legs. They all looked the same to him. He began to get upset. He had stayed up all night studying, and now had to identify birds by their legs. The more he thought about it, the madder he got. Finally, he could stand it no longer. He went up to the professor's desk and said, "What a stupid test! How could anyone tell the difference between birds by looking at their legs?" With that the student threw his test on the professor's desk an d walked out the door. The professor was surprised. The class was so big that he more...
How many evolutionists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but it takes eight million years.
How many biologists does it take to change a light bulb? Four. One to change it and three to write the environmental-impact statement.
A young wildlife biologist got fired from his first real wildlife job. Upon his return home, his parents asked him what happened. "You know what a crew boss is?" he asked. "The one who stands around and watches everyone else work." "What's that got to do with it?" they asked. "Well, he just got jealous of me," the young biologist explained. "Everyone thought I was the crew boss."