Bird Jokes / Recent Jokes

A person wanted a parrot who talked. Going to the pet store, this lover of talking parrots asked if there was a bird who was already speaking."Yes," the pet store owner said, "this bird has a vocabulary of about 1000 words plus 50 phrases guaranteed to fit most occasions."The deal was made and the parrot was brought home complete with a cage. The next day the purchaser went back and said the parrot had yet to say a word. "That's to be expected," said the pet shop owner. "Try getting the bird a few of the toys that were here for the bird to use in the shop. It just needs to feel at home with you." Toys were purchased and a day went by. The parrot's owner returned and said there still had been no talking. "I see," said the pet shop owner. "Perhaps if you got a bird bath, the parrot would start to talk while using it." A bird bath was purchased and yet another day went by. The next day the owner was back with the same complaint. more...

221. What do you get when you cross a blonde and a gorilla? Who knows, there is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do...
222. Did you here about the blonde that stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on here.
223. A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for a minute, she said to herself "oh well !" and turned around an drove home.
On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES". By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.
224. How about the suicide blonde, she dyed by her own hand.
225. A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie". The blonde stops, looks up, and says, "Where?"
226. A blonde was walking along, when she looked up to observe a bird flying overhead. Suddenly, the more...

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables. When he picked up a CD player to stuff into his sack, he heard a strange disembodied voice come through the darkness: "Jesus is watching you."
He nearly jumped out of his skin! He shut off his flashlight and waited... When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head and resumed searching for more valuables. Just as he disconnected the stereo, he heard again, clear as a bell:
"Jesus is watching you."
Completely freaked, he shone his light around looking for the source of the voice. In a corner of the room the beam came to rest upon an African parrot.
"Did you say that?!" he hissed at the parrot.
"Yep," the bird replied. "I'm just trying to warn you."
The burglar visibly relaxed. "Warn me, huh?! Who the heck are you?"
"Moses," replied the parrot.
The burglar laughed, "What kind more...

Bob was showing off his bird dog to his friend Bill. They went down towards a lake and Bob said to the dog, "How many ducks are there boy?"
The dog raced off to the lake, came back a couple of minutes later, and barked twice. Seconds later, two ducks floated into view.
"That was unbelievable, can he do it again?" Bill asked.
"Sure," responded Bob, "How many ducks are there boy?"
The dog raced off again, came back, and barked four times. Four ducks flew in and landed on the pond.
"I have to have that dog," Bill said, "I'll give you $5,000 and all of my hunting dogs."
They agreed to the deal, and Bill took the dog home to show off to his wife.
Bill and his wife took his new dog down to the lake and Bill said, "How many ducks are there boy?"
The dog raced off, came back, grabbed a stick, shook it, and threw it over his shoulder.
"Bob gypped the hell out of you," his wife more...

What birds spend all their time on their knees? Birds of prey!

A woman was thinking about finding a pet to help keep hercompany at home. She decided she would like to find a beautiful parrot; itwouldn't be as much work as say a dog, and it would be funto hear it speak. She went to a pet shop and immediatelyspotted a large beautiful parrot. She went to the owner of the store and asked how much. The owner said it was $50. Delighted that such a rare lookingand beautiful bird wasn't more expensive, she agreed to buy it. The owner looked at her and said, "Look, I should tell you firstthat this bird used to live in a whorehouse. Sometimes it sayspretty vulgar stuff."The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have thebird. She said she would buy it anyway. The petshop owner sold her the bird and she took it home. She hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for itto say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, "New house, new madam."The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but more...

221. What do you get when you cross a blonde and a gorilla? Who knows, there is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do...222. Did you here about the blonde that stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on here.223. A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for a minute, she said to herself "oh well !" and turned around an drove home.On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES". By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.224. How about the suicide blonde, she dyed by her own hand.225. A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie". The blonde stops, looks up, and says, "Where?"226. A blonde was walking along, when she looked up to observe a bird flying overhead. Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was more...