Bird Jokes / Recent Jokes
A lady was walking down the street to work and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." The lady was furious!
She stormed past the store to her work. On the way home she saw the same parrot and it said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." She was incredibly ticked now.
The next day the same parrot again said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and said that she would sue the store and to get rid of the bird if they didn't do something about it. The store manager apologized profusely and promised he would make sure the parrot didn't say it again.
When the lady walked past the store that day after work the parrot called to her, "Hey lady." She paused and said, "Yes?" And the bird replied, "You know."
Once upon a time, there was a guy sunbathing in the nude. He saw a
little girl coming towards him, so he covered himself with the newspaper he
was reading. The girl came up to him and asked, "What do you have under the
newspaper, mister?"
"A Bird," the guy replied.
The little girl walked away and the guy fell asleep. When he woke up,
he was in a hospital in tremendous pain. When the Police asked him what
happened, the guy replied, "I don't know. I was laying on the beach,
this girl asked me about my privates, and the next thing I know is I'm here."
The police went back to the beach, found the girl, and asked her, "What
did you do to that naked fellow?" After a little pause, the girl replied,
"To him? Nothing. I was playing with his bird and it spit on me,
so I broke its neck, cracked its eggs, and set its nest on fire."
There was a blonde and a brunette were walking down the sidewalk. the brunette says “Hey look a dead bird. ” The blonde look up and says “Where, where? ”
Bad Attitude Parrot
David received a parrot for his birthday. This parrot was fully grown, with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was a swear word. Those that weren`t were, to say the least, rude. David tried hard to change the bird`s attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft Israeli dance music, anything that came to mind. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird, but the bird got worse. He shook the bird and the bird got madder and ruder.
Finally, in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawking, kicking and screaming and then, suddenly, all was quiet. David was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door.
The parrot calmly stepped out onto David`s extended arm and said, "I`m sorry that I offended you with my language and actions. I ask for your forgiveness. I will go to synagogue with you every week to pray and I will more...
Once upon a time there was this guy who bought a hang glider and took it out to the mountains to fly it. He was cruising along a few hundred feet above the treetops when he spots these two hunters down below. He hollers and waves at them, trying to be sociable. Suddenly the hunters look up and they both fire their double barrel shotguns at him. When the hang glider was out of sight one of the hunters turns to the other and says "What kinda bird you reckon that was?" The other hunter replies "I don't rightly know, but I think we hit it." How's that?" "You saw how fast he dropped that man he was caring, didn't ya?
A bird was flying south for Winter, but he had left it too late and was frozen solid in a storm.
He dropped down into a pasture of cows.
The biggest, fattest cow was doing a crap there, and the bird landed in it.
At first he was disgusted, until he realised the poo was thawing him out!
He started crying out for joy as the ice melted.
A cat that was nearby heard the cries, walked over, saw the bird and ate it
There are three morals to this story:
1. Not everyone who gets you into shit is your enemy.
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3. If you are in shit, keep your mouth shut.