Birth Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Texan bought a round of drinks for all in the bar and
announced that his wife had just produced a typical Texas
baby, weighing a whopping twenty pounds.
"WOW!" was the response from everyone at the bar.
Two weeks later the Texan returned to the bar. The bartender
recognized him and asked, "Aren't you the father of the baby
that weighed twenty pounds at birth? How much does he weighnow?"
The proud father answered, "10 pounds."
The bartender said, "Why? I know that babies lose some
weight after birth, but ten pounds? He did weigh twenty
pounds, didn't he? What happened?
The proud Texas father said, "Just had him circumcised!"

A pregnant woman is about to give birth. The doctor has her on thedelivery table, legs up in the stirrups. Suddenly, he sees the topof a head push through. Then the baby pops its head out and saysto the doctor, "Are you my dad?". The doctor says, "No, I am your doctor!". With that, the baby popsright back inside. "Damn!", says the doctor. A short while later he sees the head pushthrough again. "Are you my dad?", asks the baby. "No, I am your doctor.", he replies. Once again the baby vanishes back into his mother's womb. The doctor turns to a nurse and says, "Nurse, get that baby's fatherin here right away--we may have a situation on our hands!". Momentslater the baby's father is in the delivery room, and the baby's headonce again pops out. "Are you my dad?", the baby asks of the father. The father replies, "Yes, little baby, I am your father!" The baby then reaches up and begins poking his father in the more...

After the birth of their 10th child, an Arkansas couple decided that enough was enough. The husband went to the doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want any more children, and he asked what could the doctor do to help. The doctor smiled, told him to go home, get a cherry bomb, put it in a can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to ten. The man relayed this story to his wife, and shaking his head in doubt said, "I may not be the smartest man in the world, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a can next to my ear is going to help!" His wife agreed, and they drove to Missouri together for a second opinion. Surprisingly enough, when they told the second doctor why they'd come, he asked them where they were from, and then told them to buy a cherry bomb, put it in a can, and for the husband to hold it next to his ear and count to ten. Deciding that both doctors couldn't be wrong, the couple went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a can. The husband more...

There was a woman who was pregnant with twins, and shortly before they were due, she had an accident and went into a coma. Her husband was away on business, and unable to be reached. While in the coma, she gave birth to her twins, and the only person around to name her children was her brother.

When the mother came out of her coma to find she had given birth and that her brother had named the twins, she became very worried, because he wasn't a very bright guy. She was sure he had named them something absurd or stupid.

When she saw her brother she asked him about the twins.

He said, "The first one was a girl."

The mother: "What did you name her?!?"

Brother: "Denise!"

The Mom: "Oh, wow, that's not bad! What about the second one?"

Brother: "The second one was a boy."

The Mom: "Oh, and what did you name him?"

Brother: more...

After the birth of their 10th child, an Arkansas couple decided that enough was enough. The husband went to the doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want any more children, and what could the doctor do to help?. The doctor smiled, told him to go home, get a cherry bomb, put it in a can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to ten.
The man relayed this story to his wife, and shaking his head in doubt said, "I may not be the smartest man in the world, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a can next to my ear is going to help!"
His wife agreed, and they drove to Missouri together for a second opinion. Surprisingly enough, when they told the second doctor why they'd come, he asked them where they were from, and then told them to buy a cherry bomb, put it in a can, and for the husband to hold it next to his ear and count to ten.
Deciding that both doctors couldn't be wrong, the couple went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a can. The more...

A small town doctor was famous in the area for always catching large fish.One day while he was on one of his frequent fishing trips he got a call that a woman at a neighboring farm was giving birth. He rushed to her aid and delivered a healthy baby boy.The farmer had nothing to weigh the baby with so the doctor used his fishing scales. The baby weighed 32 lb. 10 oz

A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned
that his students might be a little confused about Jesus
Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His
birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the
birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up,
etc.

So he asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?" Steven
raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven." Mary was called
on and answered, "He's in my heart." Little Johnny, waving
his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know! I know! He's in
our bathroom!!!"
The whole class got very quiet, looked at the
teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was
completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. He
finally gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he
knew this. And Little Johnny said, "Well... every morning, my
father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells
' more...