Birth Jokes / Recent Jokes
Q. What's a Jewish woman's idea of natural childbirth? A. No make up whatsoever.
An italian man buys a round of drinks for all in the bar because, he announces, his wife has just produced "a typical Italian" baby boy weighing 25 pounds. Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of "WOW!" was heard. A woman faints due to sympathy pains. Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say, you`re the father of the typical Italian baby that weighed 25 pounds at birth. How much does he weigh now?" The proud father answers, "Seventeenpounds," The bartender is puzzled, concerned, "Why? What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds at birth." The Italian father takes a slow swig from his long-neck Lone Star beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans in to the bartender and proudly says, "Had him circumcised."
Yo Mama so old...
She left her purse on Noah's Ark.
Jurassic Park brought back the memories...
When she ran the 100 meter dash, they timed yo mama with a sundial.
She still owes Moses a dollar.
When she was at school... there was No history class!
She uses her hot flushes to heat her cup of Tea
She's got the first autographed Koran.
She co-wrote the 4th Commandment.
When I asked for Her ID yo mama handed me a rock
She even made Yoda jealous.
She recalls When the Grand Canyon was a ditch.
The fire department are on standby when you light her birthday cake
When She gave birth, You came out with Dentures.
She sat in front of Jesus in 1st grade
Her first job was as Cain and Abel's baby-sitter.
Her birthday expired.
When Moses parted the Red Sea, he found yo mama fishing on the other side!
She got the first copy of the Ten Commandments.
Her social security number is 000-000-001
She's got more...
A 60-year-old New Jersey woman gave birth to twin boys Tuesday, becoming the oldest woman in the US to bear twins.
The new mother plans to breast feed the babies, even though children shouldn't really eat off the floor.
A woman is just about to give birth in the hospital when she says to the doctor, "Doc, do me a favor. Tell me what color the baby is as it`s being born." The doctor is understandably a little puzzled at this. "Why don`t you know what color the child is going to be?" "Well", says the woman, "The problem is that I`m a porno actress and the child was conceived during the making of a film. I have no idea who the father is." "OK", says the doctor, "I`ll do it for you but it is most unusual." The baby begins to be born and the doctor says, "Here comes the head, it seems to have yellow skin and the eyes are slanted. Was one of the actors Chinese?" "Yes, doctor he was.", says the woman. "Wait", says the doctor," The chest and arms are out and they seem to be very dark. Was one of the actors black?" "Yes, doctor he was." "Wait, now the legs are out and they`re brown. Was one of more...
You don't know Jack Schitt!
When someone says "You don't know Jack Schitt", well, now you'll know the entire story.
Jack Schitt was the only son of Owe Schitt and Awe Schitt. Owe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married Awe Schitt, who later ran a country hotel.. The Kneedeep Inn.
Jack Schitt eventually married Noe Schitt and together they produced six children.
Sadly, their first child, Holy Schitt, passed away shortly after birth. Next came twin sons, Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt. Then they had twin daughters, Fulla Schitt and Givva Schitt. Their last child was a son, Bull.
As time went on, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. Deep Schitt's twin brother, Dip Schitt, married Lotta schitt, who gave birth to a son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Givva Schitt married the Happens brothers.
The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg Schitt, Byrd Schitt and Hawse Schitt.
Bull Schitt recently married a spicy Italian number, Pisa Schitt and more...