Bit Jokes / Recent Jokes

Cross my heart this happened to someone. This guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to school at Ithaca College. For two years, he has wanted to ask a certain girl (who is also from Westchester and also goes to Ithaca) out on a date, but has never had the courage. Finally, one day over the summer, he sees her at home and musters up the courage to ask her out. She accepts, and they make dinner plans for Saturday night. Friday night, this guy goes out with all of his buddies, and drinks like Prohibition is coming back. Saturday, he is in such bad shape that he can't make it through twenty minutes without either throwing up or using the bathroom. After several hours of this, he is able to stop throwing up, but he is still running to the toilet every 20 minutes. He doesn't want to cancel the date, because he's afraid he won't ever talk to her again. So they meet in Westchester, and take the train to New York City (about a 30 minute ride). They get to the restaurant, and he excuses himself more...

A Rolls Royce pulls up in front of a really expensive restaurant and a really rich sheik gets out from it followed by a harem of women, and a rooster. The "party" is escorted to a table and given a menu. When time to order the sheik orders for himself and the harem, and also asks for a basket of apples for the rooster. The waiter thinks it a bit strange, but does as is asked, and brings the apples for the rooster. One by one, the rooster eats all of the apples. Having noticed this, the sheik orders another basket of apples for the rooster. Again the rooster eats all the apples. When summoned again, the waiter asks the sheik about the voracious appetite of the rooster. The sheik explains: "I was in the desert one day and found a lamp. It was a bit dirty so I rubbed it to clean it. Just as I did, out came a Genie and granted me three wishes... My first wish was to have an endless supply of money. My second wish was to have many beatiful women. And my third wish was to more...

Six sick slick slim sycamore saplings.

A box of biscuits, a batch of mixed biscuits

A skunk sat on a stump and thunk the stump stunk, but the stump thunk the skunk stunk.

Red lorry, yellow lorry, red lorry, yellow lorry.

Unique New York.

Betty Botter had some butter,' 'But,'' she said,' 'this butter's bitter. If I bake this bitter butter, it would make my batter bitter. But a bit of better butter-- that would make my batter better.''

So she bought a bit of butter, better than her bitter butter, and she baked it in her batter, and the batter was not bitter. So' twas better Betty Botter bought a bit of better butter.

Six thick thistle sticks. Six thick thistles stick.

Is this your sister's sixth zither, sir?

A big black bug bit a big black bear, made the big black bear bleed blood.

The sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick.

Toy boat. Toy boat. Toy boat.

One more...

After being away on business, Clarence McDougal thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. "How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk.
She showed him a bottle costing $50. 00. "That is a bit much," said Clarence.
So the clerk returned with a smaller bottle for $30. 00. "That's still quite a bit," Clarence groused.
Growing annoyed, the cosmetics clerk brought out a tiny $15. 00 bottle. "What I mean," said Clarence, "is I would like to see something really cheap."
So the clerk handed him a mirror.

Bruce, a middle-aged Australian tourist, visits the red light district of Amsterdam and enters a large brothel. It's his first time in Europe.

The Madam asks him to be seated and sends over a young lady to entertain the prospective client. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she screams and runs away!

Seeing this, the Madam sends a more experienced lady over to entertain the gentleman.

They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit and she sits on his lap. He again whispers in her ear and she screams and runs away!

The Madam decides that only the most experienced lady, Lola, would do!

Lola looks a bit tired, but there is nothing she hasn't done already and absolutely nothing would surprise her. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she screams louder than the more...