Bite Jokes / Recent Jokes
One day a couple of guys are working at the wood mill eating their lunches when this dog shows up to eat their scraps. After they are done eating, the dog starts licking his balls. One of the guys shouts "Man I wish I could do that!" The other guy says "If you did, the dog might bite you."
MacAndrews was visiting his Irish cousin, OBannon. While there he decided to do a bit of fishing. As he sat there on afternoon, his cousin walked by."What are ye doing?" asked OBannon."Fishin," said MacAndrews."Caught anything?""Ach, nae a bite,""What are ye usin fer bait?""Worms""Let me see it," said OBannon. MacAndrews lifted the line from the water and handed it to his cousin. OBannon took out his flask of potcheen and dipped the worm in it. He handed it back to MacAndrews, who cast his line once more. As soon as the worm hit the water, his rod bent over double, the line screaming out."Have ye got a bite?" asked OBannon."No!" shouted MacAndrews, fighting with the rod, "The worms got a salmon by the throat!"
Psychologists have discovered that the manner in which people eat Oreo cookies provides great insight into their personalities. Choose which method best describes your favorite method of eating Oreo's:
1.The whole thing at once
2.One bite at a time
3.Slow and methodical nibbles, examining the results of each bite afterwards
4.In little feverous nibbles
5.Dunked in some liquid (milk, coffee...)
6.Twisted apart, the creme inside, then the cookie
7.Twisted apart, the creme inside, and toss the cookie
8.Just the cookie, not the creme inside
9.I just like to lick them, not eat them.
10.I don't have a favorite way because I don't like Oreos.
***
A
guy walking down the street sees a woman with perfect
breasts. He says to her, "Hey miss, would you let
me bite your breasts for $100 dollars?
"Are you nuts? !!" she replies, and keeps
walking away. He turns around, runs around the block
and gets to the corner before she does.
"Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000
dollars?" he asks again.
"Listen you; I'm not that kind of woman! Got
it?" So the guy runs around the next block and
faces her again. "Would you let me bite your
breasts
just once for $10,000 dollars?"
She thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmmm,
$10,000 dollars, eh? Ok, just once, but not here.
Let's go to that dark alley over there."
So they go into the alley, where she takes off her
blouse to reveal the most perfect breasts in the world.
As soon as he sees them, he grabs them and starts
caressing them, fondling them slowly, more...
CAT MIRACLE DIET: Most diets fail because we are still thinking and eating like people. For those us who have never had any success dieting. Well now there is the new Miracle Cat Diet!
Except for cats that eat like people -- such as getting lots of table scraps -- most cats are long and lean (or tiny and petite). the Cat Miracle Diet will help you achieve the same lean, svelte figure. Just follow this diet for one week and you'll find that you not only look and feel better, but you will have a whole new outlook on what con- stitutes food. Good Luck!
DAY ONE Breakfast: Open can of expensive gourmet cat food. Any flavor as long as it cost more than. 75 per can -- and place 1/4 cup on your plate. Eat 1 bite of food; look around room disdainfully. Knock the rest on the floor. Stare at the wall for awhile before stalking off into the other room.
Lunch: Four blades of grass and one lizard tail. Throw it back up on the cleanest carpet in your more...
Stupid People should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm stupid."
That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me...oops, never mind. I didn't see your sign."
It's like before my wife and I moved from Texas to California, our house was full of boxes and there was a U-Haul truck in our driveway.
My neighbor comes over and says, "Hey, You moving?"
"Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week just to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign."
A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock, I lifted up this big' ol stringer of bass and this idiot on the dock says, "Hey, y'all catch all them fish?"
"Nope. Talked' em into giving up. Here's your sign."
I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel, there was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. There's only more...