Bite Jokes / Recent Jokes
A preschool teacher thought it would be interesting for her students to learn to identify different names for the various kinds of meats. One day, she cooked up several different meats and labeled them. As each student took a bite they were asked to identify the animal. Little Sherry took a bite of the meat labeled beef and correctly said that it came from a cow. Tommy took a bite of pork and also correctly identified the meat as coming from a pig. The last meat was labeled venison. The children chewed and chewed and after numerous incorrect guesses the teacher attempted to give them a hint "what does your mommy call your daddy when he comes home from work at night" she asked? All of a sudden little Joey jumped up from the back of the classroom and yelled "Jesus Christ! Spit it out, it's Asshole"!
A guy's driving down a country road when he comes upon a sign Saying "Apples - $5.00 each." He thinks that that is a lot of money so he decides to go see what's up.
He goes up to the farmer and says, "Hey, how come these apples are 5 bucks each?" The farmer replies, "They are peanut butter and jelly apples." The farmer hands him one and says, "Here, try one." So the man takes a bite out of the apple and says, "Peanut butter - that's great, but I thought you said that they were peanut butter and jelly apples.
" The farmer tells the man to turn it around. The man bites the other side and exclaims "son of a gun - jelly!" The man says, "These apples are great - give me some."
He gets back in his car and drives a little further down the road and then sees another sign "Apples - $10 each." Again, he pulls over, goes to the farmer and says, "Hey, what's up with these apples?"
The more...
During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the house a round of drinks."
The bartender said, "That's fine, but we're in the middle of the Depression, so I'll need to see some money first."
The guy pulled out a huge wad of bills and set them on the bar. The bartender can't believe what he's seeing. "Where did you get all that money?" asked the bartender.
"I'm a professional gambler," replied the man.
The bartender said, "There's no such thing! I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?"
"Well, I only bet on sure things," said the guy.
"Like what?" asked the bartender.
"Well, for example, I'll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye," he said.
The bartender thought about it. "Okay," he said.
So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and more...
An insect repellent salesman, travelling through the countryside, came to a farmhouse and tried his pitch on the farmer.
"Sir," he said, "my bug spray works so well that I guarantee you will never be bitten again."
The farmer was skeptical, so he made the young man a proposition. "I'll tie you out in my cornfield buck naked, covered with that bug spray" said the farmer. "In the morning, if there isn't a single bite on you, I will buy a whole case from you."
The salesman was delighted. They went out to the cornfield and he striped. The farmer then sprayed him thoroughly with the bug spray and tied him to a stake.
The next morning, the farmer went back out to the cornfield and, sure enough, the salesman was there, hanging from his bonds, without a single bite on him. Not one bite, and yet he was a total wreck, looking pale, haggard and drawn.
The farmer was perplexed. "Son," he said, "you don't have one bite on more...
One night a man decides to visit his local bar. He takes a seat and orders a beer. After polishing off his beer, he beckons the bartender over and says, "Betcha $20 I can bite my eye." The bartender scoffs and accepts. The man then calmly removes his false eye and bites it. The bartender grudgingly forks over a twenty.
Later that night, after a few more beers, the man wanders back to the bar and says rather drunkenly, "Hey barkeep, betcha another $20 I can bite my other eye." Wanting to win back his money and seriously doubtful that the man has two false eyes, the bartender accepts. The man calmly removes his false teeth and bites his other eye. Scowling, the bartender hands over another twenty. The man leaves and wanders around the bar as he drinks a few more beers.
He strolls back over to the bar, leaning on it, again and calls the bartender, "Hey, barkeep," he burbles, "I'll give you a chance to win yer money back plus. Betcha $100 if you more...
A man goes into a bar, and he looks like a complete bum. He sits down and asks for a bottle of brandy. The bartender says"
I am going to have to see some money first"
. So...out of his pocket, the bum takes a HUGE wad of 20's 50's and 100 dollar bills.
The bartender...stunned of course says "
Jesus crist, how did you get all that?"
The man replies, "
I am a gambling man."
"
But gambling is only 50/50. How can you win so much money!?"
"
I only bet on the things I know I can win on."
Says the gambler. "
take this for example. I bet you $200 I can bite my right eye."
The bartender says "
Yeah right. Go ahead."
So the man takes out his right false eye and bites it.
"
Damn you! You jipped me"
the bartender yelled."
and gave the man $200
"
That's how I win money. ok...got another one. I'll bet you another $200 I can more...
Psychologists have discovered that the manner in which people eat Oreo cookies provides great insight into their personalities. Choose which method best describes your favorite method of eating Oreo's:
1. The whole thing all at once.
2. One bite at a time
3. Slow and methodical nibbles examining the results of each bite afterwards.
4. In little feverous nibbles.
5. Dunked in some liquid (milk, coffee...).
6. Twisted apart, the inside, then the cookie.
7. Twisted apart, the inside, and toss the cookie.
8. Just the cookie, not the inside.
9. I just like to lick them, not eat them.
10. I don't have a favorite way because I don't like Oreo.
Put your answers down NOW, then check below:
Your Personality:
1. The whole thing:
This means you consume life with abandon, you are fun to be with, exciting, carefree with some hint of recklessness. You more...