Blessing Jokes

A couple invited some people to dinner. At the table, the mother turned to her six-year-old daughter and asked her to say the blessing.

"I wouldn't know what to say," she replied.

"Just say what you hear Mommy say," the mother said.

The little girl bowed her head and prayed, "Dear Lord, why on Earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"

THE traditional blessing Satputri haven (May you be the mother of seven) had a bizarre denouement: a young lady with her face hidden behind her veil touched the feet of an older woman to seek her blessing.' Satputri hoven,' said the old woman.
The blessing-seeker uncovered her face and retorted,' And what do you expect me to do to my eighth? Poison him?'

A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car.
After the purchase, they drove it home and parked it on the street between them.
A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw the priest sprinkling water on their new car.
It didn't need a wash, so he hurried out and asked the priest what he was doing.
"I'm blessing it," the priest replied.
The rabbi considered this for a moment, then went back inside the synagogue.
He reappeared a moment later with a hacksaw, walked over to the back of the car and cut off two inches of the tailpipe.

Morris goes to the rabbi and says, "I committed a sin and I want to know what I can do to repent.""What was the sin?" the rabbi asked."It happened just once," Morris assures him. "I didn't wash my hands and recite the blessing before eating bread.""Nu, if it really only happened once," the rabbi said, "that's not so terrible. Nonetheless, why did you neglect to wash your hands and recite the blessing?""I felt awkward Rabbi," said Morris. "You see, I was in an un-kosher restaurant."The rabbi's eyebrows arch. "And why were you eating in an un-kosher restaurant?""I had no choice," Morris said. "All the kosher restaurants were closed.""And why were all the kosher restaurants closed?" the rabbi asked.Morris replied, "It was Yom Kippur."

Chad nervously approached his girlfriend's father and said "Excuse me, Mr. Scott, but there was something I wanted to ask you."

"Well, of course, young man!" the proud father replied. "You have my full blessing. My daughter's happiness is all I want."

"Blessing, sir?" Chad stammered.

"Yes, of course. You want to marry my daughter, right?" Mr. Scott said.

"Uh, no sir, that's not it." said Chad. "Actually, my car payment is due, and I'm a little short until payday, and I wanted to know if I could borrow fifty dollars until Friday."

"Heck no!" yelled Mr. Scott. "I hardly know you."