Block Jokes / Recent Jokes
Dear sir,
I am writing in response to your request for additional information for block number 3 of the accident reporting form.
I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more fully and I trust the following detail will be sufficient.
I am an amateur radio operator and on the day of the accident, I was working alone on the top section of my new 80 foot tower. When I had completed my work, I discovered that I had, over the course of several trips up the tower, brought up about 300 pounds of tools and spare hardware. Rather than carry the now un-needed tools and material down by hand, I decided to lower the items down in a small barrel by using a pulley, which fortunately was attached to the gin pole at the top of the tower.
Securing the rope at ground level, I went to the top of the tower and loaded the tools and material into the barrel. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it more...
Dear Sir, I am writing in response to your request for additional information for block number 3 of the accident reporting form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more fully and I trust the following detail will be sufficient.I am an amateur radio operator and on the day of the accident, I was working alone on the top section of my new 80 foot tower. When I had completed my work, I discovered that I had, over the course of several trips up the tower, brought up about 300 pounds of tools and spare hardware. Rather than carry the now un-needed tools and material down by hand, I decided to lower the items down in a small barrel by using a pulley, which fortunately was attached to the gin pole at the top of the tower.Securing the rope at ground level, I went to the top of the tower and loaded the tools and material into the barrel. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a more...
An Italian, an American, and a Polak were captured by the French for various crimes and are taken to the Guillotine.
The executioner places the Italian on the block and asks if he has any last words. The Italian replies, "I pray to the Virgin Mary that I may live." They drop the blade it it stops a mere inch above the Italian's neck. Amazed, the French let him go.
Next, the American is put in position and asked if he has any final words. He replies, "In the name of Jesus Christ, please have mercy." They drop the blade, and again it stops just an inch from the American's neck. In disbelief, they let him go free.
Then the Polak is placed on the block, and they ask if he has any last words.
He says, "Yeah. You've got a knot in your rope."
Louisiana: A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime committed?]
Florida:[Uh, pardon our English] A thief burst into the bank one day wearing a ski mask and carrying a gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled, "FREEZE, MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A FUCK-UP!" For a moment, everyone was silent. Then the snickers started. The guard completely lost it and doubled over laughing. It probably saved his life, because he'd been about to draw his gun. He couldn't have drawn and fired before the thief got him. The thief ran away and is still at large. In memory of the event, the more...
A little girl asked her mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?" Mom replies, "No, because she's in heat." "What does that mean?" asked the child. "Go ask your father, I think he's in the garage."The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Fluffy for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you!"Dad said, "Bring Fluffs over here." He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it and said, "Okay, you can go now, but keep Fluffy on the leash and only go one time around the block!"The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash! Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Fluffy?"The little girl said, "She ran out of gas about half-way down the block, so another dog is pushing her home!"
This past weekend, the movie "300" grossed lots of money and has gone on to be the first movie in history where everyone in the entire film has abs. Even the monster had abs. Several historians have gone on record saying that not all Spartans had abs back in the day. In fact, there once was a fat Spartan named Spiros, who refused to ever do a sit-up, and had to have a special "Gut-plate" made of bronze to protect his stomach in battle. He killed many Greeks, and a few Trojans, but, alas, choked on an olive pit one night at a feast, and his fat ass was sent out to sea on a burning raft like a viking funeral without the viking. Hollywood is now developing a film about Spiros, based on the graphic novel "Two Eggs Over, Whole Wheat Toast".
In it, Spiros time travels from ancient Sparta to modern day Newark, and opens Olympia Diner. All is going great until a couple of naked Greeks show up and start trouble. It eventually gets resolved after a heavy more...